when things aren't in my timing.

like many people on this day,I tend to spend at least a small chunk of time in order to reflect and to check my heart and plans before the Lord. (plus looking through old journals is an interesting experience) I came across a scripture in the beginning of Titus and thought it was perfectly fitting for today; because life, relationships, plans, dreams, desires often do not  go as we  had expected them to.

think back to a time when you felt left behind,

 whether it be in comparison to those around you or

 in thinking that the Creator of the Universe 

has forgotten to move you into a new season. 

God, have we been forgotten? no. nothing done by the Lord is reckless, aimless or without love and purpose.

"For this reason I left you in Crete,

that you should set in order the things

that are lacking and appoint elders in every 

city as I commanded you"

(Titus 1:5)

there are a few things about this that are painful and difficult for me personally to digest.

1. everything from the Lord is for a reason and ultimately out of love.

2. I will not progress from one "season" unto another until I have grasped, learned and done everything I was called to fulfill within that season.

3. if I feel "left behind" in a season, I have to check myself and see what it is that the Lord wants me to address within myself, asking, what do You have for me to learn?

4. just as the Lord promises to fulfill His word and His promises, He expects us to complete whatever it is that He has commanded us to do, asking, what do You have for me to do?

5. He loves me enough to not move me until I am complete in Him, even when I get angry or frustrated with Him.

with my best interest in mind,  

He wants me to enter

each season

 "not self-willed, not quick tempered...

not violent, not greedy for money,

but hospitable, a lover of what is good,

sober-minded (defined as 'having self control')...

holding fast the faithful for as He has been taught"

(Titus 1:7-9)

It is not necessarily a pleasant experience to choose

to reflect on your own heart and realize 

that you may not have moved to a new season or 

chapter because of yourself.

take heart.

you haven't been LEFT BEHIND.

you &i; i are loved enough to have each

season be purposeful and to not commence

until we have gleaned all we can.

so today, I check my heart, what do I still need to learn in this season that has caused me to stay here? what have you called me to do here.

here we go 2011!

being remembered by God.

I am guilty (as I imagine you are too) of sometimes forgetting that the Creator of the Universe

knows me

adores me

thinks of me

is aware of my dreams

is aware of my desires

loves me immensely.

but on Monday I got a very obvious reminder of how much we are thought of by God.

my sister Anna's favorite

worship lead is Kari Jobe ; 

and when I say she is her favorite what

I mean to say is that Anna stalks her tweets like

side -pony-tailed-girls-stalked-new-kids -on-the-block in the '80s.

just to give you further idea of how much Anna loves her,

when I was at the Catalyst conference in October , I found

out that Kari was doing a surprise worship set during the conference

because Anna sent me a text moments before that said, "Kari is on her way to perform!"

haha :)

the point of showcasing just how much Anna adores her

is an important element in the story I am relaying to each of you now,

because now that you know the magnitude of Anna's admiration for Kari Jobe

it will now help you fully understand the magnitude of

  the moment we met Kari Jobe on Monday.

waiting for our mom,in the food court, we made  small talk until I noticed that Anna was no longer focused on me ,but rather staring past me.

that's when Anna said to me, "I think that's Kari Jobe".  so naturally, Anna and I moved swift as bees and as covert as spies to grab a closer look.

and low and behold there she was,

Kari Jobe,

standing in line at Chick-fil-A in the food court.

(alongside a really cute rocker guy if i may add)

it was then that Anna told me that Kari had tweeted (i'm telling you, she REALLY follows her tweets haha) a day or two earlier that she was going to "take a tweeter break for a week"; which caused Anna to wonder aloud if that was because she was trying to get away for some kind of privacy.

Anna stood beside me barely able to breathe, let alone move towards

her  "mentor" to ask for a picture.

 Anna Joy finally got the nerve to ask for a picture. 

(with some major prodding from her big sister if i may)

it was the most precious moment when Anna spoke to Kari.

I truly got a glimpse of the character 

and heart of the Lord through this small interaction.

It reminded me that I am thought of and remembered by the Creator of the Universe. He knows the desires of my heart, those that are great and those that are miniature; those that are spoken and those that are kept silent.

In this small moment, He was showing Anna that He hasn't forgotten her; He sent her a little post-it note reminder in the form of meeting her favorite artist, one-on-one where we were the only two who recognized her.

So to you who feel forgotten, please let this sink into your heart like it has in mine, we are remembered and thought of by the Lord.

this is proof.

the parable of the almond tree.

this morning I made my way over to Jeremiah and decided to begin reading from the beginning, and when doing so, I came to this verse:

"the word of the Lord came to me:

'what do you see, Jeremiah?'

'I see the branch of an almond tree,' I replied.

the Lord said to me, 

'you have seen correctly, for I am watching

to see that my word is fulfilled"

(Jeremiah 1:11-12)

naturally I then felt inclined to do a little research 

regarding almond trees.

(and by 'do a little research', i mean search wikipedia)

this is what i found,

Almond trees become productive and begin bearing fruit after five years.

 The fruit is mature in the autumn, 7–8 months after flowering

so when the Lord showed Jeremiah a vision of an almond tree,

and then asked him to confirm what he saw, it kind of reminds me of a parent-child conversation:

(maybe like this one...)

mom: "you need to finish ALL of your peas before you can have dessert.

ok so what do you have to do before you can have dessert?"

child: " finish all my peas"

mom: "ok now repeat back to me what you have to do"

child: "i have to finish all of my peas before i can have dessert"

the Lord didn't ask Jeremiah

to describe what he was seeing

because the Lord didn't know,

He asked Jeremiah to tell what He saw

because the Lord wanted Jeremiah

to realize that He is aware of the almond tree and 

it's bearing of fruit.

the Lord wanted Jeremiah to understand that 

the Lord does not forget about fulfilling His word.

if the almond tree bears fruit only after 5 years,

it would be really easy to become discouraged,

angry and feel forgotten by the Promise Maker.

Because it would be so easy to feel discouraged,  the Lord see "for i am watching to see that my word is fulfilled" Repetition or redundancy  is often used for emphasis.

My plans recently changed drastically and at the moment I have digressed from knowing exactly what and where i will be after graduation, to having not the slightest idea; this would not be how I saw things unfolding. So today, for the sake of not losing heart, it is imperative that i remember the almond tree.

"being confident of this,

that He who began a good work

in you

will carry it on to completion..."

(Philippians 1:6)

so to you who are feeling discouraged, forgotten, frustrated,

remember the almond tree.

xena warrior princess

Gladiator and 300 are two of my favorite films because they remind me of the value of a man and what he was created to be; a warrior, protector, fighter, hunter, leader.  


During playtime with the neighbor boys, I was either the pink or the yellow Power Ranger and they were always the ones who did the fighting: the red ranger, white ranger, green or black  ranger. 


I recognize and appreciate what men were created to be and the battle they were designed to engage in; but I also believe there are times when the battles are the kind that only a woman can engage in. 

there are times when women are called to be warriors.     


With the impending oppression of her people, it was Esther who the Lord used to fight behind closed doors.


When the disciples all ran, it was Mary who was there when Jesus was resurrected, she was used to spread the news of His fulfilled promise. 


Please do not misunderstand me, I am not saying that women were created to fight battles while our men are sitting on the sidelines; I am however saying that we as women need to be reminded that we are equipped for certain battles and that we are not helpless or fragile but rather we are delicate and treasured.  (these two words NOT are synonyms for fragile or helpless)

"As for you, Oh watchtower of the flock, 

Oh stronghold of the Daughter of Zion,

 the former dominion will be restored to you" 

(Micah 4:8)

we women need to step up and take back what is ours, our image, our sexuality, our dreams and our desires.

our image is not determined by what men want to see or what women think they need.

our sexuality is not a power to be used or abused, but a gift to be savored and lavished.

our dreams are not determined by the dreams or plans of our helpmate.

our desires are valid and valued, not passive.

"rise and thresh, Oh Daughters of Zion,

for I will give you horns of iron;

I will give you hoofs of bronze 

and you will break to pieces

many nations"

(Micah 4:13)

women, we need to stop relying on our own devices in order to gain attention, approval or achievement. we need to become warriors who fight to protect the guys around us; warriors who fight the battles that we are called to, the war to be the women we were called to be.

you think you're a big shot?

then step up and start taking responsibility

 for the women of this generation.

do not underestimate us,

we too, have a war to fight.

misquotation, birdcages and freedom.

my mom and I often joke about sayings that people just swear are actual scriptures:


if God closes a door, He opens a window
an eye for an eye
cleanliness is next to Godlyness
we know that God uses all things for good


wait, you thought that last one actually WAS a scripture? nope, but it is one that is misquoted a ton.

"and we know that

IN all things

God works for the good

of those who love Him,

who have been called according to his purpose"

(romans 8:28)

in (in)

1. contained or enclosed by; inside; within: in the room, in the envelope
2. wearing; clothed by: to dress in one's best
3. during the course of: done in a day
4. at or before the end of: return in an hour
5. perceptible to (one of the senses): the town is in sight; he told a lie in my hearing
6. limited by the scope of: in my opinion
7. 1. being a member of or worker at: in the navy, in business
   2. being a student at: she's in college
   3. being an inmate of: to be in prison
8. out of a group or set of: one in ten will fail
9. amidst; surrounded by: in a storm, in total darkness
10. affected by (a specified state or condition); having: he's in trouble; they were in tears
11. engaged or occupied by (an activity or process): in a search for truth, deep inthought
12. with regard to; as concerns

here we have a direct look at HOW the Lord works;

He works IN situations not, not from outside them.

So as much as we hate having crappy days or situations that are like mud

to trek through, we also have to hold on like hell to 

the promise and reassurance that it is WITHIN those situations

that the Lord works best.

"in the same way, the Spirit helps us in

our weakness. We do not know what 

we ought  to pray for, but the Spirit himself

intercedes for us with groans that words cannot express"

(romans 8:26)

have you invited the creator of the universe

 into your crappy situation?

body image is something i have fought with ever since i can remember

and lately i've become desperate for freedom from this cage I've gotten accustomed to;

in talking to my mom she asked the question

have you asked the Lord to reveal the origin of this struggle to you?

no, i hadn't. i've just lived with it.

in looking through old journals at my parent's house over thanksgiving

break, i found entry after entry in which i had

referenced my body image and how imprisoned i felt.

when coming across these entries, i felt like weeping,

because I couldn't have imagined just how long

I had been living with this torment.

so I'm inviting the Lord in.

I'm asking the Lord to gently reveal to me 

where it was that I opened the door

to allow the enemy to assault my body image.

I'm asking to know what event or conversation opened the door to

self-hatred.

Because I want to be free, and I know that the Lord works within all things.

what God does when i sin.

run.                                                                                         
duck.
hide.
cover.
brace for impact.
crawl into a hole.

this is not the steps for a fire drill, this is how I act when I'm ashamed. 

my weekly musical obsession is a little known artist named Jason Walker (http://www.myspace.com/jasonwalkeronline). One of my favorites of his is a song named "Seattle", which is a plead to (who I assume is...) a past lover who has chosen to put herself in a situation that continues to be unpleasant;

 Your bags are packed

But you don't really plan on leaving

Why do you wait?

All that city does is bring you down

And you could get out of

Seattle, I don't know why

You stand under the clouds expecting to stay dry

Why in the world would someone remain, or worse yet, PUT THEMSELVES in a situation that is miserable  by choice? In some cases it's that we don't believe that we deserve any better? Or how about taking a step further...

we choose to punish and imprison ourselves.

This song reminds me of the lack of grace I have for myself. The Lord never asked me to walk around in shame or punish myself and yet I do. He wants so much to intervene and wrap us in love, understanding and grace but yet we choose to live in the frustration of wanting to stay dry while standing under a rain cloud. 

"Fall, fall, falling

Oh, the sky keeps falling

And it gets so heavy on your heart

Fall, fall, falling

Oh, the tears keep falling

And you keep staying where you are

Seattle, I don't know why
You stand under the clouds expecting to stay dry
Seattle, I don't know how
I'm supposed to help you if you won't leave town " 

In Genesis 3, Adam & Eve partake in the fruit that they were lovingly told not to; shortly after they are almost overcome

by grief that they not only cover themselves but they hide.

During his morning walk, the Lord realizes something is different and wrong; what's

different is that his two walking partners are no where to be found.

When we  all of the sudden stop walking with the Lord,He notices and comes looking.

the next part of the story is probably the most precious part, the Lord doesn't run or stand where He is, He goes looking for them. He goes where they are.

"But the Lord God called to Adam and said to him, Where are you?" (Genesis3:9)

Help, grace and love are not going to be forced upon us, because that's not a character-trait of God; but what He will do is stand, call, knock, look and wait. 

He doesn't put us in prison.

He doesn't run from us.

He doesn't ask us to hide.

everyone falls short of the glory of God. EVERYONE.

so let me ask you,

where are YOU?

Out on the farthest edge There in the silence You were there My faith was torn to shreds Heart in the balance But You were there Always faithful Always good You still have me You still have my heart I thought I had seen the end Everything broken But You were there I’ve wandered in Heaven’s gates I’ve made my bed in Hell You were there still

("You have me" Gungor)

Out on the farthest edge
There in the silence
You were there

My faith was torn to shreds
Heart in the balance
And You were there

Always faithful, always good
You still have me
You still have my heart

I thought I had seen the end
Everything broken
But You were there

I've wandered at heaven's gates
I've made my bed in hell
You were there still