what God does when i sin.

run.                                                                                         
duck.
hide.
cover.
brace for impact.
crawl into a hole.

this is not the steps for a fire drill, this is how I act when I'm ashamed. 

my weekly musical obsession is a little known artist named Jason Walker (http://www.myspace.com/jasonwalkeronline). One of my favorites of his is a song named "Seattle", which is a plead to (who I assume is...) a past lover who has chosen to put herself in a situation that continues to be unpleasant;

 Your bags are packed

But you don't really plan on leaving

Why do you wait?

All that city does is bring you down

And you could get out of

Seattle, I don't know why

You stand under the clouds expecting to stay dry

Why in the world would someone remain, or worse yet, PUT THEMSELVES in a situation that is miserable  by choice? In some cases it's that we don't believe that we deserve any better? Or how about taking a step further...

we choose to punish and imprison ourselves.

This song reminds me of the lack of grace I have for myself. The Lord never asked me to walk around in shame or punish myself and yet I do. He wants so much to intervene and wrap us in love, understanding and grace but yet we choose to live in the frustration of wanting to stay dry while standing under a rain cloud. 

"Fall, fall, falling

Oh, the sky keeps falling

And it gets so heavy on your heart

Fall, fall, falling

Oh, the tears keep falling

And you keep staying where you are

Seattle, I don't know why
You stand under the clouds expecting to stay dry
Seattle, I don't know how
I'm supposed to help you if you won't leave town " 

In Genesis 3, Adam & Eve partake in the fruit that they were lovingly told not to; shortly after they are almost overcome

by grief that they not only cover themselves but they hide.

During his morning walk, the Lord realizes something is different and wrong; what's

different is that his two walking partners are no where to be found.

When we  all of the sudden stop walking with the Lord,He notices and comes looking.

the next part of the story is probably the most precious part, the Lord doesn't run or stand where He is, He goes looking for them. He goes where they are.

"But the Lord God called to Adam and said to him, Where are you?" (Genesis3:9)

Help, grace and love are not going to be forced upon us, because that's not a character-trait of God; but what He will do is stand, call, knock, look and wait. 

He doesn't put us in prison.

He doesn't run from us.

He doesn't ask us to hide.

everyone falls short of the glory of God. EVERYONE.

so let me ask you,

where are YOU?

Out on the farthest edge There in the silence You were there My faith was torn to shreds Heart in the balance But You were there Always faithful Always good You still have me You still have my heart I thought I had seen the end Everything broken But You were there I’ve wandered in Heaven’s gates I’ve made my bed in Hell You were there still

("You have me" Gungor)

Out on the farthest edge
There in the silence
You were there

My faith was torn to shreds
Heart in the balance
And You were there

Always faithful, always good
You still have me
You still have my heart

I thought I had seen the end
Everything broken
But You were there

I've wandered at heaven's gates
I've made my bed in hell
You were there still