When your season is hard

I'd love to say that I'm writing this because I've emerged from this tough season, but that would be a lie. I'm in the thick of it.

There are seasons in life that we go through that are wearying and that feel like we're barely trudging through thick mud. It's in these seasons that the only sustenance that sustains you is reminding yourself of the faithfulness of God that you've seen in the past. And at times, even that doesn't feel like enough.

About 7 years ago I was diagnosed with endometriosis and while it was a relief to have a diagnosis for what I'd been battling since puberty, having a diagnosis doesn't necessarily fix the challenge. This condition has caused unbearable painful menstrual cycles that have often left me either out of work or at Urgent Care. In April I finally had surgery to clean out as much of the disease that could be taken out without leaving me unable to have children. Last week I started the 6 month journey of monthly injections that puts my body into menopause in hopes that the disease will stop growing enough for us to be able to conceive.

This along with my existing digestive issues has caused me to feel overwhelmed and quite weary.

When you deal with a chronic issue, it can be easy to begin to despise your body. Why is all of this happening to me? How'd I get chosen to battle these conditions? It causes you to have to examine every part of your lifestyle and make changes accordingly and it's exhausting.

Not to mention the added pressure to try to conceive much sooner than we anticipated and the lingering anxiety that I won't be able to .

My favorite story in the Bible is the children of Israel and the story of their rescue from slavery. For some time, these people cried out to God to be delivered from a tyrant and He did. But as soon as they were delivered they began to doubt His goodness when faced with the Red Sea. They began to wonder if they'd been delivered from slavery only to die at the hands of a raging ocean as they saw Pharaoh and his arming approaching.  (Exodus 14)

Have you ever felt like this? I have.

The children of Israel doubted that the same God who just delivered them from Pharaoh would then turn around and let them die at Pharaoh's hand. They doubted the goodness of God. I'd even venture to say that they thought He was some kind of trickster or cruel being who would torture them with freedom only to have them die once delivered.

Earlier this week as I was vomiting from pain, I began to cry because I felt so weary. Then I remembered 14 years ago when I was laying on the hospital floor interceding for my life after an ulcer in my intestines burst. I was delivered then.

I also remembered when a former ex threatened to slit my throat but I was delivered then.

I will be delivered now. It just may not be how or when I prefer it to be. The children of Israel were delivered by a staff being stretched out that caused the seas to part. I'm sure they didn't see that coming.

I don't know when this season will end but I know the way I'll be sustained is to reflect on the times in my life when He has been faithful and to remember that above all things He is good even when it doesn't feel like it.

"For His lovingkindness prevails over us [and we triumph and overcome through Him], and the truth of the Lord endures forever" (Psalm 117:22)

Whatever season you're in today, be encouraged.