the stolen life

if someone were to walk up to you and attempt to kidnap you, you would be very aware of what was going on and would do all you could to escape the situation.


if someone were to walk right up to you at your table in a restaurant and snatch your wallet & cell phone, you would be aware of what was going on and would do all you could to escape the situation.

"He [the enemy] doesn't immediately overwhelm people with powerful desires. Instead, the enemy of our minds starts with little things--little dissatisfactions, small desires and builds from there" (Battlefield of the Mind)

do you realize that you may have been stolen from, put into captivity and you aren't even aware.
For the past 5 years, I have lived a stolen life.

During my senior year of highschool, I began "dabbling" in an eating disorder; it started out at drinking massive amounts of water to trick my body and escalated to forced-vomiting after something small like lettuce.
Over the next 5 years, I was in & out of counseling, convincing myself that I didn't truly have a problem. I would have "good" periods of time, during which I'd share with everyone the "battle I was facing". But I would also have very dark and "shameful" times during which I told no one.


I truly thought  that I was an open and honest person, I had convinced myself that I was oh so approachable and "real" to those around me. But  on the inside, I truly believed that I would also deal with some kind of eating disorder. Up until this July, I was convinced that I was a healthy, free woman who would occasionally throw up her food.

Thinking through it now, I see how ridiculous it was to think that I would free.

"a stronghold is an area in which we are held in bondage--

any part of our lives in which Satan imprisons us"

(Battlefield of the Mind)

One Sunday at REFUGE (in Columbia!) the sermon was regarding worth, and I don't know what triggered it necessarily, but suddenly became overcome with grief and began to weep. In that moment, I felt this overwhelming grief that was not merely mine, but also the loving Father who was grieving with me. He knew I'd had 5 years stolen from me, and I had been the one to allow & believe it.

I wept for a decent amount of time, composed myself long enough to drive home, only to lay my head in my Mama's lap and grieve. 

Out of this grief, I realized that I was not alone in having lived a stolen life.

As days and weeks followed this day of grieving, I

began to notice people around me who also believed that their "bondage" was normal, and

more dangerously, that it was acceptable.

I've heard people justify the "cross they bare" by saying things like "well i've just done this for so long, so..." or "everyone has a cross to bare".

NO! If you & I were sitting at a table and I told you, "well I've thrown up my food for 5 years, so I might as well continue", you would think I were insane. Now apply that conversation to yourself.


What "cross" are you carrying that you don't have to? In what ways have to been convinced that "things will always be this way" or "I will always deal with _____(fill in the blank)"


For the past 5 years, I have truly believed that I would always deal with some kind of eating disorder. 

So you tell me, how is THAT thinking you are free?

"thief comes to steal and kill and destory; 

I have come that you may have life

and have it to the full"

[john 10:10]