How to Heal a Broken Heart

I want to preface all this by saying that I don't have some special scripture or spell or formula for you to overcome a heartbreak, but what I can present to you are some truths I've experienced and some truths I've heard along the way that I believe can help you on the path of healing. 

1. The saying "time heals everything" is COMPLETE bull crap.

 Seriously, complete bull crap. Time can act as a "progress report" from where you've come, but time itself has no ability to do anything; in fact, my Mom once told me "you could actually be this way forever" and if you let yourself, you COULD be this way forever. I have spent time before as a professional "wallow-er" and it did nothing but keep me in a semi-constant state of depression, hopelessness and despair. In order to begin to heal, I had to be intentional. 

2. What goes in, MUST come out. 

Part of me being intentional with my healing, I had to monitor what went in because I knew it would come out. So I became hypersensitive to the movies, TV scenes and music I allowed myself to consume; I realized movies like "The Notebook" and songs like " Home" sent me on a downward spiral of memories and emotions that weren't productive for me. So I had to truly begin to monitor what I "consumed". What's crazy is that when I became aware of this, I'd notice memories stir up during certain radio songs so I began to switch the station or the track when those songs came on and saw the moments begin to fade.  But I had to be proactive and intentional. 

3.  Get rid of crap associated with memories. 

No, seriously. It sucked but it meant getting rid of holiday PJ pants and a dress worn on a special date. It wasn't fun but it had to be done. It meant putting pictures and cards away and skipping songs on CDs that were associated with memories. It meant choosing not to live on memory lane, because memory lane keeps us from ever progressing and usually feeds off of strictly the "great" times. Melting in a pool of memories will do nothing but torture you and keep you from being able to move on. 

4. Take thoughts captive.

2 Corinthians 10:5  reminds us to " bring every thought into captivity to the obedience of Christ", but what does that mean? It means you aren't a slave to your thoughts, you aren't destined to sink into a time warp of memories, it means you don't have to be tortured. Memories feel warm and fuzzy but in reality they are going to cause more damage then good, they stall you. You can't imagine a greater love if you're focused on how "no other love will be like this one". Something I've had to do even now is purposely choose not to be a resident on memory lane. There have even been times when I've said aloud " I WILL NOT THINK ON THAT" and forced my thoughts on something else. Remember, no one can live up to that person in your memories. 

5. Let yourself mourn.  

Yes, mourn. You've felt a loss, a death, a divorce, you lost a piece of yourself; you've lost time. At times it may seem easier to ignore the loss, to occupy or delay the pain but the truth is, you've can't heal a wound by ignoring it. Delaying the pain is very possible but it isn't beneficial because at some point you will have to face the loss you've experienced in order to move past it. It hurts, I know it hurts. There may be moments where you can't eat, you can't sleep, you can't go more than a few minutes without bursting into tears; there will be moments where breathing seems an impossible task but you must press on. I understand. There are still moments even after much time has past, that I feel waves of indescribable  grief and sorrow, where I wonder if I'll ever be completely free of the pain but I press forward. You can never know how far you've come if you don't keep moving because I promise there will be a day when you realize you haven't felt the hurt in several months. So when you feel like you can't get out of bed, make yourself get out of bed and go for a walk in the sun. When you feel like you can't eat, eat some comfort food one bite at a time and when you feel like the sorrow will never end, look up Jim Gaffigan videos. 

6. Let people love you.

This one is particularly hard for me. It can be so hard to let people love me when I'd much rather be alone with some ice cream, wine and horrible reality TV but at some point I had to let people in. I had to force myself to be social and force myself to let people love on me even if it meant just sitting in silence during a movie. You can't heal alone, there are people who love you so let them show you. I also had to realize that some people need to process experiences with someone who is gifted to walk through them, thus I listened to those who loved me and began to see a counselor. Let people love you, let people give you wisdom, let people listen to you, let people help you become a conqueror.

7. Forgive yourself. 

Forgive yourself for being vulnerable. Forgive yourself for being hurt. Forgive yourself for any mistakes you felt you made. Forgive yourself for being human. FORGIVE YOURSELF, because Christ already did 2000 years ago.

8. Forgive the other person.

It really is true that having unforgiveness is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die. That other person most likely isn't thinking about you or the hurt. They have processed and moved on, so you need to also. You can't hate someone you're praying for, so pray blessing for that person even if it's with your teeth gritted. Fake it til you make it because I promise one day you'll wake up and not be angry at them anymore.

9. Remind yourself of the promise.

What has the Lord promised you? One of the scriptures that I've been mediating on is Luke 1: 45,

 " Blessed is she who believed, for there will be fulfillment of those things which were told her from the Lord".

 So what has He told you? One of the ways I've coped over the past year and half is to begin to put my sadness to good use and pray for or write to my future husband each time I felt overwhelmed with sadness or despair. It helps to keep me grounded in the things the Creator has promised me for my marriage one day.  These writings and lists of promises He has made me help my resolve not to settle for less than I've been promised. So, what have you been promised? 

I know it hurts. I KNOW. There are still days where I cry and it hurts but those days continue to move further and further apart. You can make it, you're still breathing. The more it hurt, the more I would cling to the Father. Allow yourself to get caught up in His love, allow yourself to be surrounded by His hope. If you're ready to stop hurting, He is waiting to mend your heart.

I know such great hurt, but I'm also seeing such great healing and progress.