the sweaty-glamorous life

I've never really been like anyone else. When I was younger I had my own fashion sense, dance moves and imagination. While other people (namely my sister) spent play time creating lesson plans for stuffed animals, or placing plastic bandages on fake wounds...I was pretending I was giving a "best new artist" interview to a magazine, I was conjuring up tears for my Grammy acceptance speech and writing songs on a swing set. All through out middle and high school I spent several hours a day with a mic stand and karaoke machine in the garage "honing" my performance. 


ever sense I can remember, I have said I'd be a recording artist. 

I'm a 23-year-old college graduate.

I bartend and serve 5 days a week.

This isn't exactly what I imagined...

yesterday I was reminded of something: the Lord KNOWS the desires of our hearts.

He is mindful and aware of them. HECK! He PUT them there!

but let's be honest, it can be difficult to be encouraged

when you get up early to be a rock star and then end the evening

sweating behind a bar slinging drinks for guests.

so on this day, let us BOTH (you & I!) be encouraged that those moments when we are doing what we were created to do our little gifts (post-it notes if you will) from the Father to encourage us that He hasn't forgotten about us.

One day I won't sing early and then serve guests at night. 

and neither will YOU!

He will fulfill the desire of those who fear Him;
He will also hear their cry and will save them.

(Psalm 145:19)

giving a middle -finger- jazz- solo to insecurity.

"I firmly believe that confidence gives

 us permission to be different,

 to be unique"

 (Joyce Meyers)

I was recently thinking about how powerful confidence is; the lack of it can hold you back and the acceptance of our confidence given by the Creator can propel us into impossibility.

When I don't feel confident (physically, mentally, spiritually or in my ability) I become a person who second guess every decision. Things I would normally feel completely suited for, become areas of my life where I feel like maybe I'm not worthy or able.


For most of my life I have allowed confidence (or a lack there of) to hold me back in so many ways. Have you ever been guilty of that? Do you know that we when lack confidence we are insulting our Creator?

"For the Lord will be your confidence

and will keep your foot from being snared"

Proverbs 3:26

so on this Friday, it may not be the most lady-like

gesture, but I would like to give a big old middle finger jazz solo

to my insecurity, self doubt, self consciousness  and thoughts of not being

beautiful

intelligent

talented

important

wanted

loved

able

"a person without confidence is like an airplane sitting on a runway with empty

fuel tanks. The plane has the ability to fly, but without fuel, it's not getting of the ground.

confidence is our fuel. our confidence, our belief that we can succeed, gets us started and helps

us finish every challenge we tackle in life. without confidence,

a woman will live in fear and never feel fulfilled. confidence allows us to face

life with boldness, openness, and honesty. it enables us to live without worry

and to feel save. it allows us to live authentically. we don't have to pretend to be somebody we're

not because we are secure in who we are"

(The Confident Woman, Joyce Meyers)

the parable of my tattoo.

I often get asked about the tattoo on my left wrist; what language it's in, what i means and why I got it. Recently during an afternoon at the beach, a tourist next to me asked those questions. I informed him that the tattoo was Hebrew for REDEEMED which translates into fought for, avenged or bought back. His response has stuck with me;

"did someone fight for you?

 I kind of laughed it off and went on doing my business

but I haven't stopped thinking about that, did someone fight for me?

גאל

I've been reading through the book of Hosea, and when I say reading I mean barely-getting-through-a-chapter-because-of-tears-blocking-my-reading-ability;  and I am still struck by God's promise to us through Hosea and his actions with Gomer. 

Just like Hosea with Gomer, Jesus has bought me back and fought for me even when I was unfaithful to Him.  He has fought for me even when I took matters into my own hands. He has fought for me when I didn't trust Him with both of my hands open.

Betrothed is defined as engage, promise, pledge, plight

"I will betroth you to me forever;

I will betroth you in my righteousness and justice,

in love and compassion.

I will betroth you in faithfulness,

and you will acknowledge the Lord."

Hosea 2:19-20

let's insert the synonyms for betrothed.

"I will pledge you to me forever;

I will engage you in my righteousness and justice,

in love and compassion.

I will promise you in faithfulness

and you will acknowledge the Lord"

Be humbled and encouraged on this day that the Lord has promised you righteousness, justice, love, compassion and faithfulness without condition. If we will walk with our heads held high,  as if we are His, He has promised these forever.

I am dust.

I am a sinner.

I am undeserving.

I walk with a man  who is the Redeemer.

 He has bought me back. He has fought for me.

Don't forget who has and is and will fight for YOU.

"I was broken and You mended me;

before I was, You loved me.

You healed  my body 

and You made me whole,

no matter what I do,

You don't let go.

I will say to the King,

for I am the ransomed one"

-Forever and a Day (Bethel Worship)