having cake and eating cake.

For the longest time, I really did not understand the saying,

you can't have your cake and eat it too.

because my inner-monologue-response was always,

'well of course you can, because

how do you eat what you don't have?"

a little background if you are interested...

The phrase's earliest recording is from 1546 as "wolde you bothe eate your cake, and have your cake?" (John Heywood's 'A dialogue Conteinyng the Nomber in Effect of All the Prouerbes in the Englishe Tongue')^[1] alluding to the impossibility of eating your cake and still having it afterwards; the modern version (where the clauses are reversed) is a corruption which was first signaled in 1812.

this morning I was reading in Luke and came across

the scripture

"From everyone who has been given much,

much will be demanded; and from

the One who has been entrusted 

with much, much more will be

asked"

(12:48)

I immediately felt the gentle conviction in my own life,

because whether I am aware of or acknowledge it, 

I very often expect the Lord to give me my cake 

and have me eat it too.

meaning:

I ask that my life be something extraordinary,

I ask that my life not be mundane,

I ask that I would be used as a vessel,

and yet,

I am the first person to become irritated or irrational regarding my circumstances.

but honestly, how IN THE WORLD do I suppose that I become molded into something

extraordinary

exciting

that's an instrument

without being refined and molded.

Call me sacrilegious, but I think I heard the Lord giggle this morning as I was reading

this scripture and He saw the light bulb go off.

I can't ask to be something extraordinary

or something that can be used as an instrument by the Creator of the Universe,

without much being asked of me.

We don't OWE anything for being extraordinary,

but we are full of potential, so we are asked to reach it if we accept.

If I clean up around my apartment

a little bit at a time,

it's not tiresome or overwhelming; but

rarely do I do that. Usually I put it off

until things have piled up or it will take some

time, effort, pain, patience and diligence

in order to get it to it's potential.

If we allowed the Lord to refine , clean and heal us a little bit at a time

it would be less painful, but most of the time I put it off.

you CAN'T have your cake and eat it too.

either you are extraordinary or you are not,

but usually that means you face extraordinary challenges....that come with extraordinary victories.

if you have nothing nice to say, then don't say anything.

"give me faith,to trust what You say.that You're good,and Your love is great....I may be weak, but Your spirit's strongin me,my flesh may fail,but my God,You never will"

how can we sing this from the stage and yet in the midst of a situation forget that nothing takes the Lord by surprise. if the Lord could speak through a DONKEY, i'm pretty sure He is in control no matter what. as said by the bunny on Bambi, "if you have nothing nice to say, don't say anything at all". how can we reach a broken world if we as the bride of Christ are eating one another?

please stop using facebook as a place to air grievances. it's isn't becoming or mature and further alienates the world we are trying to reach. the church isn't about me, or you or leadership or elders. the church is a hospital for the broken.

i'm not looking to start a discussion or an argument, I'm just a twenty something whose heart is hurting more for the horrible outbursts i've seen on the internet lately.

if you are truly concerned and bothered by what is happening around you THE ONLY PERSON YOU SHOULD BE TALKING TO ABOUT THEM is the Lord. place your frustrations at His feet and LEAVE THEM THERE. The Lord does NOT need our help. So let's stop insulting Him by acting as if He is out of control or as if He'd delivered the children of Israel from slavery only to die at the hands of a raging ocean.

temptation & stew.

A great sports coach is knowledgeable about the team they are playing against.

he knows their strengths.

he knows their weaknesses.

he knows their plays.

he knows their start players.

he knows their history.

A great General is knowledgeable about who is he fighting.

he knows strengths.

he knows weaknesses.

he knows his own strengths and weaknesses.

he has studied their history

.

Coach's and Generals have the same goal: 

domination.

The Enemy is a very savvy coach and a meticulous General when it comes to battle against our hearts and lives. 

"the  wolf attacks the flock and scatters it"

(john 10:12)

The enemy not only desires to destroy us but 

also to scatter us from those we are walking with, 

so that it is in isolation we die.

he separates us by causing us to feel as if we can't tell anyone,

 or  puts barriers in relationships to avoid connection and accountability.

the enemy is not dumb enough to attack me in areas in which I am strong,

no he is very well aware

 of my weak areas,

my hidden areas,

my history,

my struggles,

my battles,

my secrets

and THAT is where he rages war.

without warning or indication, the enemy sets fire hard and fast against my heart, mind and life.

he watches my steps and when an opportune moment is seen, he takes it and runs with it.

he meets me there.

"now out came a woman to meet him,

dressed like a prostitute with crafty intent...

she took hold of him....' so i came out to meet you,

i have looked for you and found you!" 

(proverbs 7:10-15)

there's that saying that "history repeats itself", 

and you know why that is?

because we constantly being tested over and over 

again in our weak areas. 

i can tell you that my testing and temptation 

very often comes in a eerily  similar package

from the last time I faced it.

It may be a new f ace,

a new place,

a new situation ,

but I am not fooled, it is the same tactic as every other time.

this week I realized that I was SMACK DAB in the middle of a testing,

of a temptation, and yet for whatever reason I was surprised that it was the same

tune I've  heard a thousand times.

it is so easy to tell others how to deal with temptation, or even to plan how you will deal with such in the future.

but I bet you'll agree with me 

when I say that  when you are in the midst of it,

you have little to no desire to address it.

why? because it is so  comfortable and familiar. 

I'm not entirely sure what to do in the heat of this moment right now, except to seek the Lord,set safeguards and be open and honest with myself and my accountability partner. what i DO know is i DO NOT want my life to be described like this:

"All at once he followed her,

like an ox going to the slaughter,

like a deer stepping into a noose 

till arrow pierces his liver,

like a bird darting into a snare,

little knowing it will cost him his life"

(proverbs 7:22-23)

I continue to remind myself what Perry Noble talked about at Catalyst 2010,

he referenced the story of Jacob and Essau and posed the question,

how many of us give up our 

future

destiny

life

inheritance

dreams

for a moment of satisfaction? 

what is your bowl of stew?

i know mine....