"Seeing Signs" (with the One Who Had ALL the Red Flags!)

I stood before the mic and inhaled a deep, nervous breath; I closed my eyes right as I opened my mouth to let the words begin to follow out of me along to the melody. I kept my eyes closed for the first long couple of seconds, in an attempt to forget about the nerves pulsing through me. I opened my eyes and began to scan the audience for a familiar face, and there right in the perfect center of the auditorium I saw him sitting there. Though my mouth was singing the words to a song, my mind was raising with puzzling questions: “Why is he here?” “When did he get here?” “How long has he been here?”  “It’s weird that he is here, because I’ve had him on my heart all week…?


I finished the song, the Pastor spoke for a few moments to close the service and then I reprised the chorus as people began to exit the auditorium. And like a fish swimming against the current, he made his way to the stage, as he was warmly greeted by the team. I stood to the side, partially focused on the differing people I was speaking with and partially waiting to be noticed and spoken to.  He made he was over to me in a swift and seamless manner; one moment he was across the stage and the next he was within an arm’s length. I gave him an awkward should hug and nervously blurted out “I’ve been praying for you all week!”.  He graciously thanked me and explained that the timing must have been God because in the past couple of weeks his business ventured had fallen through as had his relationship. At the mention of his relationship ending, I am ashamed to say my heart skipped a beat or two, or three. I apologized for everything being so rough, and then shared a couple moments of encouragement. I’m sure that in talking to him I appeared wise, discerning and suave; while on the inside I was a milkshake in a blender.


I shared the news of his return with my mom and exclaimed that it was “obviously” a sign! I had had him on my heart all week in the same week that he moved back and ended a relationship!  To add to the “signs”, a day or two later, I looked at my phone to find a text message from an number that I didn’t recognize.  As I opened the text message, I had to catch my balance as the message read a gracious thank you from this young man; the text exclaimed how much a woman of God I was and how blessed he was to associate with someone like me. He ended by once again thanking me for the encouragement and prayers in a rough time. 


He got my number from someone and thought to send me a thank you!! At this point I was nearly convinced that THIS was my love  story from God unfolding before my eyes. I mean picture it, we both audition on the same day, we serve together, he moves away and then moves back. THIS WAS IT!


From this day forward, we began sharing a text message here and a text message there until soon we were having full fledged “text-conversations”. (thinking back now, I realized I DIDN’T LIKE TALKING TO HIM ON THE PHONE because he always talked about himself----RED FLAG!!!)  Within the next couple of weeks, I was invited to a family lunch (with thrilled me to death since I’m such a family person), I quickly became endeared to his family. Due to our common interest of music,  I was invited to join a “jam” writing session with him, his brother and a fellow band mate.  The night before going over to his house, I worried tirelessly over what outfit would show that I could be beautiful and put together but WITH OUT EFFORT! My roommate suggest a sundress, but I for sure felt that was trying too hard.  




I settled on shorts and a casual tshirt. 


As I drove to his  house, I was a NERVOUS WRECK!  After surviving an unintentional detour , I finally arrived as his house, and was greeting by his zany and precious mother working in the garden. He greeted me at the door, we exchanged some polite conversation (I can’t remember exactly, but I’m pretty sure I was asking some stupid question about the interior of the house because I couldn’t think of anything else to say amidst my plethora of nerves!) Sitting in on the jam session, was a enjoyable though I remember feeling like I was an outsider looking in and not fully engaged. That was until it was INSISTED that I couldn’t leave until I sang a duet with one of the guys .(at least we did an Alison Krauss song) Luckily, I had to be at work, which gave me an excuse to leave, so as to avoid the awkwardness of deciding when it’s appropriate to leave. 


From this point forward, the two of us began investing time and energy into one another. And by “we”, I mean “me”. (RED FLAG!!) 


I believe it’s scary how easily we can convince ourselves that we see all of the “signs” pointing towards a person/decision/etc. It was in the tragic waste of time and heart, that I learned that it terrifies me how easily we convince ourselves we’ve heard from God, when we haven’t.
  We need to pay more attention.







(conclusion of this saga to come!)

The One With All the Red Flags.

Let me just start with saying that it is possible convince ourselves that we have “heard from the Lord” concerning an issue, and in reality we are in the midst of a sea of red flags. That’s a little scary that we convince ourselves of something…


I pulled up to the church  feeling frazzled and gulping down the nerves. I let out one last nervous breath, applied one last coat of gloss and popped in a piece of gum.  As I emerged from my vehicle my eyes immediately went to the only other people in the nearly bare parking lot, two couples exchanging  what-appeared-to-be “good luck” good byes.  I didn’t want to walk in at the same times as the two guys, so I did an Olympic-worthy-speed -walk  to the door, and began filling out the paper work for the audition.  


Name: Mary Catherine.
Part: Alto. 
Musical ability: can’t read music. 
Hobbies: NINJA.






This audition was for the worship of the church I had been attending for the Summer. Before my audition, the two gentlemen previously seen in the parking lot began setting up the stage for their audition. The taller one sat at the piano, while the sandy-blonde-haired-one took his place, center stage his guitar. They each sang a song, while the other played.  And as the words floated out of the mouth of the guitar player and throughout the auditorium, I found myself somewhat mesmerized.  







The next few months I thought sporadically about that guitar player, but was also aware of the relationship he was in. We spoke in passing, congratulating one another whenever either had recently been on stage; but mostly,  I spent many a moments praying for the Lord to guard my heart, and ultimately even began serving on  the team during opposing weekends.  (as my own safety net) 


During one particular meeting with the worship staff, the idea was brought to me regarding the guitar player and the possibility of the two of us leading together in the near future. My heart leapt out of my chest at this proposal!  I found it exhilarating and exciting, but I  knew in my heart ,that serving in such close proximity together would be challenging.  And I didn’t want to compromise myself, him or his current relationship. 


On the way home from that meeting I called my Mama and she & I prayed that the Lord would continue to guard my heart, and He did. Not too long after this prayer, the guitar player  announced that He was moving; and while this was saddening, I knew the Lord had answered my prayer to guard my heart. 


But little did I know that his leaving would not be our last time encountering each other, and would begin the journey of “seeing signs”. …