"Seeing Signs" (with the One Who Had ALL the Red Flags!)

I stood before the mic and inhaled a deep, nervous breath; I closed my eyes right as I opened my mouth to let the words begin to follow out of me along to the melody. I kept my eyes closed for the first long couple of seconds, in an attempt to forget about the nerves pulsing through me. I opened my eyes and began to scan the audience for a familiar face, and there right in the perfect center of the auditorium I saw him sitting there. Though my mouth was singing the words to a song, my mind was raising with puzzling questions: “Why is he here?” “When did he get here?” “How long has he been here?”  “It’s weird that he is here, because I’ve had him on my heart all week…?


I finished the song, the Pastor spoke for a few moments to close the service and then I reprised the chorus as people began to exit the auditorium. And like a fish swimming against the current, he made his way to the stage, as he was warmly greeted by the team. I stood to the side, partially focused on the differing people I was speaking with and partially waiting to be noticed and spoken to.  He made he was over to me in a swift and seamless manner; one moment he was across the stage and the next he was within an arm’s length. I gave him an awkward should hug and nervously blurted out “I’ve been praying for you all week!”.  He graciously thanked me and explained that the timing must have been God because in the past couple of weeks his business ventured had fallen through as had his relationship. At the mention of his relationship ending, I am ashamed to say my heart skipped a beat or two, or three. I apologized for everything being so rough, and then shared a couple moments of encouragement. I’m sure that in talking to him I appeared wise, discerning and suave; while on the inside I was a milkshake in a blender.


I shared the news of his return with my mom and exclaimed that it was “obviously” a sign! I had had him on my heart all week in the same week that he moved back and ended a relationship!  To add to the “signs”, a day or two later, I looked at my phone to find a text message from an number that I didn’t recognize.  As I opened the text message, I had to catch my balance as the message read a gracious thank you from this young man; the text exclaimed how much a woman of God I was and how blessed he was to associate with someone like me. He ended by once again thanking me for the encouragement and prayers in a rough time. 


He got my number from someone and thought to send me a thank you!! At this point I was nearly convinced that THIS was my love  story from God unfolding before my eyes. I mean picture it, we both audition on the same day, we serve together, he moves away and then moves back. THIS WAS IT!


From this day forward, we began sharing a text message here and a text message there until soon we were having full fledged “text-conversations”. (thinking back now, I realized I DIDN’T LIKE TALKING TO HIM ON THE PHONE because he always talked about himself----RED FLAG!!!)  Within the next couple of weeks, I was invited to a family lunch (with thrilled me to death since I’m such a family person), I quickly became endeared to his family. Due to our common interest of music,  I was invited to join a “jam” writing session with him, his brother and a fellow band mate.  The night before going over to his house, I worried tirelessly over what outfit would show that I could be beautiful and put together but WITH OUT EFFORT! My roommate suggest a sundress, but I for sure felt that was trying too hard.  




I settled on shorts and a casual tshirt. 


As I drove to his  house, I was a NERVOUS WRECK!  After surviving an unintentional detour , I finally arrived as his house, and was greeting by his zany and precious mother working in the garden. He greeted me at the door, we exchanged some polite conversation (I can’t remember exactly, but I’m pretty sure I was asking some stupid question about the interior of the house because I couldn’t think of anything else to say amidst my plethora of nerves!) Sitting in on the jam session, was a enjoyable though I remember feeling like I was an outsider looking in and not fully engaged. That was until it was INSISTED that I couldn’t leave until I sang a duet with one of the guys .(at least we did an Alison Krauss song) Luckily, I had to be at work, which gave me an excuse to leave, so as to avoid the awkwardness of deciding when it’s appropriate to leave. 


From this point forward, the two of us began investing time and energy into one another. And by “we”, I mean “me”. (RED FLAG!!) 


I believe it’s scary how easily we can convince ourselves that we see all of the “signs” pointing towards a person/decision/etc. It was in the tragic waste of time and heart, that I learned that it terrifies me how easily we convince ourselves we’ve heard from God, when we haven’t.
  We need to pay more attention.







(conclusion of this saga to come!)

The One With All the Red Flags.

Let me just start with saying that it is possible convince ourselves that we have “heard from the Lord” concerning an issue, and in reality we are in the midst of a sea of red flags. That’s a little scary that we convince ourselves of something…


I pulled up to the church  feeling frazzled and gulping down the nerves. I let out one last nervous breath, applied one last coat of gloss and popped in a piece of gum.  As I emerged from my vehicle my eyes immediately went to the only other people in the nearly bare parking lot, two couples exchanging  what-appeared-to-be “good luck” good byes.  I didn’t want to walk in at the same times as the two guys, so I did an Olympic-worthy-speed -walk  to the door, and began filling out the paper work for the audition.  


Name: Mary Catherine.
Part: Alto. 
Musical ability: can’t read music. 
Hobbies: NINJA.






This audition was for the worship of the church I had been attending for the Summer. Before my audition, the two gentlemen previously seen in the parking lot began setting up the stage for their audition. The taller one sat at the piano, while the sandy-blonde-haired-one took his place, center stage his guitar. They each sang a song, while the other played.  And as the words floated out of the mouth of the guitar player and throughout the auditorium, I found myself somewhat mesmerized.  







The next few months I thought sporadically about that guitar player, but was also aware of the relationship he was in. We spoke in passing, congratulating one another whenever either had recently been on stage; but mostly,  I spent many a moments praying for the Lord to guard my heart, and ultimately even began serving on  the team during opposing weekends.  (as my own safety net) 


During one particular meeting with the worship staff, the idea was brought to me regarding the guitar player and the possibility of the two of us leading together in the near future. My heart leapt out of my chest at this proposal!  I found it exhilarating and exciting, but I  knew in my heart ,that serving in such close proximity together would be challenging.  And I didn’t want to compromise myself, him or his current relationship. 


On the way home from that meeting I called my Mama and she & I prayed that the Lord would continue to guard my heart, and He did. Not too long after this prayer, the guitar player  announced that He was moving; and while this was saddening, I knew the Lord had answered my prayer to guard my heart. 


But little did I know that his leaving would not be our last time encountering each other, and would begin the journey of “seeing signs”. …

Beauty & the Beast

Women aren't super heroes, but you know what? They DO have super powers. 
 Ladies & Gentlemen, let me explain. 
Men are VISUAL creatures; 
so with what we Ladies wear & how we conduct ourselves--we can CONTROL A MAN'S MIND.  


" They tune in visually to the allure of specific physical attributes and respond more immediately to the sexual stimulation of their senses" (soul virgins)


Gentlemen, how does that make you feel? When a woman (or a "girl", in my opinion) walks back scantily clad and you begin to undress her with your thoughts, you feel as if you are merely "admiring the view". But guess what? She actually has control of your mind, you've GIVEN her that control. 


Ladies, let me be frank. (or mary catherine, bahahaha...i had to) As a woman, we like to feel empowered. It can be alluring & intoxicating to know that we have a man's attention, that he is thinking of us. 
 But the truth is this,  if we truly care for & respect a man, we will help him guard his mind.


"So letting your sinful nature control your mind leads to death. But letting the Spirit control your mind leads to life and peace." (romans 8:6) 


So here's the deal regarding the men around us,  as women we can either be a road that leads to death or a beacon of life & peace. 


Now let me be honest with you, I know as a woman, it can be affirming to our self esteem to know that a man is attracted to us. And i'm NOT saying that you can't be attractive! (geez la weez! i'm all for looking & feeling phenomenal!)  But we've got to realize that to TRULY care for our brothers around us, is to not do anything that could compromise their minds. 


(fyi: i'm NOT letting guys off the hook as far as guarding their own minds, but i'll get to that soon)


"Therefore let us stop passing judgment on one another. 
Instead, make up your mind not to put 
any stumbling block or obstacle in your brother's way." 
(romans 14:13)


My dear sweet Ladies, protect & guards the minds of the brothers around you, because lust is a beast. And once let out of it's "cage", it can be a destroyer of relationships and cross ground that is hard to recover. 


"Then the Babylonians came to her, to the bed of love,
and in their lust they defiled her. After she had been defiled by them, she turned away from them in disgust." (Ez 23:17) 


"Many men take their cues on how to treat you from the clothing (or how little of it) you choose to wear." (soul virgin)


Another version says that she was "polluted". Lust, a pollutant. Sweet Ladies, do you want a man to pollute you? Do you want a man to defile you? A man lusting after you, is not the same thing as a man loving you or being committed to you.  A man after God's own heart is going to fight to keep you safe and to protect you & your beauty. 


Love  within the covenant of marriage is intended to be intimate ("Adam knew Eve") to our cores, not an act based on the lust & attraction of the moment.  I want a man to love me, not defile or pollute me based on his attraction to my outfit. 


Ladies, protect your beauty. Keep the beast in it's cage. Be beautiful, be fabulous and be mindful of the eyes around you. [ you will have all of marriage to dress for your husband :)  ]




And Gentlemen, I understand that you live in a world that is barely dressed, but you are not powerless in this fight to guard your mind. As my Dad says, "you may not be able to stop a bird from flying over your head, but you can keep it from making a nest on our head" 
--And by the way, one of the most honoring things my highschool sweetheart said to me one day was, " please don't wear that top again". You know why? Because my top was causing him to focus on something other than what would be honoring to the Lord, and he was honest & honoring to me. THAT is precious.


Ladies, dress to honor your Future Love.  Dress to keep the beast in its cage. 
Gentlemen, please be more aware of the media around you. Guard your eyes, honor your Future Love.




Lust is a beast, and if you can't control it while you are single, who says you can control it from wandering while you are married? 

a METHOD, a MESSAGE and a case of ANXIETY.

I have class from 8:00 until 5:00 pm on Tuesdays. That's a long and intense day. But this morning, I was awoken at 5:32 am, wide awake and feeling prompted by the Father to start my quiet time. 


(side note: last night before going to bed, I felt like I was supposed to start my quiet time at 5:30 instead of 6:00 this morning, but set my alarm for 5:45. I was awoken at 5:30. LISTEN to the spirit leading you when He does. He won't relent.)


This morning my devotional brought me to Matthew 13, where the disciples inquire as to why Jesus speaks in "parables". I can understand why the disciples were wondering about this, because frankly, some of the parables (ok so MANY of the parables) are seriously confusing. 


The disciples were concerning about the METHOD, Jesus however, was concerned about the MESSAGE. Jesus made himself aware of the climate of the people, "  For this people's heart has become calloused; they hardly hear with their ears, and they have closed their eyes.Otherwise they might see with their eyes, hear with their ears, understand with their hearts and turn, and I would heal them" (verse 15)


He realized that because of what the people had been through, and the culture they had been living in (of religious, stuck up Pharisees)  that these people were unable to hear or see the truth of freedom being presented to them. Even their hearts were too hardened and calloused to feel. 


Jesus desired that the freedom He had been called to bring, be available & accessible to everyone. NOT just those who could understand it in the way the disciples could. " The knowledge of the secrets of the kingdom of heaven has been given to you, but not to them." (verse 11)


"He replied, "You've been given insight into God's kingdom. You know how it works. Not everybody has this gift, this insight; it hasn't been given to them. Whenever someone has a ready heart for this, the insights and understandings flow freely. But if there is no readiness, any trace of receptivity soon disappears. That's why I tell stories: to create readiness, to nudge the people toward receptive insight. In their present state they can stare till doomsday and not see it, listen till they're blue in the face and not get it." 
(13:11-15. THE MESSAGE version)


I challenge you to consider the following: 
are you more concerned with the method or the message ?


Do you get sweaty palms and anxiety when your church attempts a new approach?
Do changes in worship style and a lack-of-a-3-piece-suit on your pastor cause raised blood pressure and anger?


Do the words "different" or "change" cause the hairs on the back of your neck to raise?


If you've answered yes to any or all of  these, then you could be missing out on being apart of a precious aspect of the heart of the Lord. He desires that ALL could be set free. But in order that all can know the freedom that is found in Christ, we have to be willing to meet people where they are. JUST as Christ did. 


What works for some, doesn't work for all.
What worked in 1987, does not work today.
What works in Southern California, doesn't necessarily work in Wisconsin. 


As the world evolves, so should our  way that we reach & love the world. 




I challenge you today to examine your own heart and life to answer the question: am I more focused on the method or the message?


I challenge you to ask the Lord to help you be in tune to the climate and the-state-of-heart-and-mind that those around you are in.


I challenge you to ask the Lord to reveal to you innovative (which doesn't necessarily mean complicated) ways to share His love & freedom to those around you.


I challenge you to pray that the ministy you are involved in, would always be in tune to the climate of the times, and focused on the freedom that has come for all people. 






"otherwise, they might see with their eyes, hear with their ears, understand with their hearts and turn, and i would heal them" 
(matthew 13:15)




"I am God. I have called you to live right and well.
   I have taken responsibility for you, kept you safe.
I have set you among my people to bind them to me,
   and provided you as a lighthouse to the nations,
To make a start at bringing people into the open, into light:
   opening blind eyes,
   releasing prisoners from dungeons,
   emptying the dark prisons."
[Isaiah 42:6]


How will you love
 and wash the feet of those around you today?



              

Donkeys & Diligence

"if you want a STALLION, treat your DONKEY like a STALLION"


when i was growing up, my parents stressed this concept often.  the idea that if you want the Lord to give you more, you take care of what you have. 


want God to increase your territory? take care of your little garden patch that you have now!

(Every place where you set your foot will be yours: Your territory will extend from the desert to Lebanon, and from the Euphrates River to the western sea.  )


So DILIGENCE is something that the Lord has been hammering on my heart as of late. 


Webster's defines DILIGENCE as  a "steady, earnest, and energetic effort : painstaking"


are we a diligent people?


How is it that we ask the Lord for a companion to love & care for, and yet we aren't diligent in caring for ourselves? I don't think that we need to be perfect, but I do believe that taking care of your body is honoring to the Lord. We can't ask for someone to care for, when we don't care for ourselves. I believe that taking care of our bodies (exercising 3-4 times a week for 30 to 40 minutes; eating wisely) is honoring what the Lord created out of love.


So often I hear (especially) young adults wondering about the the time when they will meet their "soul mate" and yet here are some things to consider: 


HOW diligent are you with your time with the Lord.
                     Why would He place a companion in your life, when He sees that you can't spend quality         t     time with Him each day?


HOW diligent are you with your finances?
                   You want more, but can't manage what you have? What kind of sense does that make? (this means having to set budgets and saying  "no" to things you may want to do) This may be making wise, but hard choices like taking your lunch, making your own coffee, and eating leftovers.


HOW diligent are you with family relationships?
                    you can't wait for a family of your own, but are you working to restore & maintain relationships with your mother/father/siblings/etc?




HOW diligent are you with your job?
                 you have big career dreams, but how faithful are you to your fast food job? I heard a Pastor say once; "if you work at McDonald's, then YOU be the one who puts the ketchup & the mustard on the burger in a smiley face"---the moral? be the BEST worker at your current job, so that the Lord will be able to move you to where your heart desires. 


Think of David: " So he asked Jesse, "Are these all the sons you have?" "There is still the youngest," Jesse answered, "but he is tending the sheep." Samuel said, "Send for him; we will not sit down until he arrives." (1Samuel 16:11)

David. A "Man after God's own Heart".  God didn't call a SHEPHERD to be a KING, but rather He created a KING and made Him into a SHEPHERD. Because the Lord wanted to see how David would treat the sheep, who most people see as insignificant.  And David was diligent to care for & protect those seemingly insignificant animals. And as a result, David became a King and the MAN AFTER GOD'S OWN HEART. 


David not only protected the sheep, but he also used his gifts & talents while with the sheep. (not "reserving" them for more deserving beings) He sang for them.


And lastly, consider the parable of the talents. take what you've been given, and do your BEST!



"The man with two bags of gold also came. 'Master,' he said, 'you entrusted me with two bags of gold; see, I have gained two more.'
     "His master replied, 'Well done, good and faithful servant! You have been faithful with a few things; I will put you in charge of many things. Come and share your master's happiness!" (matthew 25:22-23)



Honor the Lord with your body!
         Rest, Exercise, Eat well! 
Honor the Lord with your finances!
        Give Him the FIRST 10% percent, and budget so you can save for the future and pay for the past!
Honor the Lord in your job!
        Work where you ARE, as if it were where you WANTED to be!




"don't just PRAY for rain, PREPARE your fields!" (Steven Furtick--Elevation Church)


Here's to our steady, earnest, energetic and painstaking efforts in all things!

Deserts and Starbucks Coffee.

told you little boogers i would give you a two-fer today :)

As i still sit in Starbucks, I am taking time to finally pour out all that the Lord has been impressing on my heart as of late.

I have been thinking about the children of Israel and their journey in the Desert.
They were complainers, and sadly, that is much of what our society has become.
It seems odd to us when we examine their journey and realize that they complained SHORTLY after being released from slavery.

"(on the fifteenth day of the second month) in the desert the whole community grumbled against Moses and Aaron. The Israelites said to them, 'if only we had died by the Lord's hand in Egypt! there we would sat around pots of meat and ate all the food we wanted, but you have brought us out into this desert to starve the entire assembly to death' " [Exodus 16:2-3]

Don't you think to yourself "how could they be so ungrateful? i would NEVER be that way" that was mighty brave of them to accuse the Lord God of setting them free only to let them die.
("You are not grumbling against us, but against the Lord" vs.8)

But wait a minute, how often does the Lord provide for us and shortly after we find ourselves doubting Him  again.  Why is it that we doubt Him almost on a recurring basis?

We know in our mind that the Lord is faithful, but in the heat of the moment He is the first one we accuse or blame.
Do you think that maybe the Israelites lack of trust and obedience in the Lord paid a part in their EXTENDED stay in the desert? I don't know about you but I'm thinking that 40 years in a desert after being released from captivity wasn't His initial plan. (though He knew it would ultimately happen)

They grumbled about starving, and the Lord provided manna. All He asked was that they would gather only enough to feed them during a 5 day period and on the 6th day, gather enough for the following day. He called for their OBEDIENCE  & TRUST.

So how about these beans; even after being delivered from slavery AND being provided food by process of bread literally raining down. They STILL doubted the faithfulness and love of the Lord! (WHAT IN THE WORLD?!)

"They camped  at Rephidim, but there was no water to drink. So they quarreled with Moses and said, 'Give us water to drink'. Moses replied, 'Why do you quarrel with me? Why do you put the Lord to the test?' But the people were thirsty for water there, an they grumbled against Moses, They said, ' why did you bring us up out of Egypt to make us and our children and livestock die of thirst?' " (17: 2-3)

I WANT TO SMACK THE DAY LIGHTS OUT OF THESE KIDS!
C'mon Israelites! Do you really think that he would deliver you from SLAVERY (remember the red sea?) and  RAIN BREAD from heaven, only to let you die from THIRST?

My goodness, how many times have I acted identical to the children of Israel! The Lord delivers me, only for my to wish or even put myself back into a situation of bondage. Simply because sometimes it IS easier to be in bondage, than to live free! Bondage is familiar and feels safe. Bondage is without choice, and sometimes it is making choices that can be so difficult and frustrating.

Take the time on this NEW YEARS EVE to examine your own life; do you feel like the Lord has promised you something and it isn't here? (getting impatient??)
Well what is KEEPING YOU in the desert? 
Don't make the mistake that the children of Israel (and well, even myself) have made and let your distrust and lack of obedience keep you in a stalling position!


What is it that you need to be learning in this season?
YOU could be the very thing holding you back!

Take a moment and write down times when the Lord has been faithful, and keep those in a place that you can reference back to in moments of frustration and doubt.

It's time to get out of the desert.

"God who answers prayer, sees me in my need. 

runs to my despair, Your promise I believe.

 That You are, You are, You are God...

I place all my hope in You, my Healer will see me through..

God who answers prayer, faithful You will be.

In my darkest hour, Your promise I believe."

["God Who Answers Prayer"-Elevation Worship]

Retrospection thru COFFEE-COLORED lenses.

It seems quite fitting that this coffee lover is ending the year in starbucks;
carmel machiatto in hand and a fine frenzy soothing my racing thoughts and typing fingers.

It has been a little bit of a minute since my last blog,
so I would make up for it by giving you little monsters a two-fer!

First I would like to take a minute just to look back on the year 2009, so if it's a little to much like a therapy session  for you, you are welcome to skip to the next blog :)

This time last year i was LITERALLY working as a waitress in a nice restaurant and making a good bit of money off of drunk new years enthusiasts. At midnight a champagne toast was had by all as everyone embraced one another. (even those that didn't like eachother. that was probably due to the alcohol) And as I cleaned up and headed back to my parent's house that night, I was both hopeful for a new year and saddened  for the closing of an old one. I'm a little bit sentimental, don't judge.


At the beginning of the year I began a job as an RA for Coastal. It was one of the situations that came about one week and I was hired the next.

At the end of the spring semester I was offered a promotion to become the Resident Director, which meant that I would supervise the RA's and be able to make decisions regarding programming, etc. (and to make a long story short---we were bought out by the school and I was no longer "qualified" for the job due to my status as a student, so now i'm the Assistant Resident Director. whatever :)  )

  Within the past year I moved into the cutest one bedroom apartment
 (it's actually small enough to probably qualify as a closet) and accomplished a goal of living by myself; as well as "quitting" (my boss swears i'm coming back) my job as a server. (who made a billion dollars a week) I traded in my life of financial luxury to work for pork & beans at Coastal.

Through this terrifying job transition, I learned that quality of life truly is more important than money.

I learned a lot this year about setting boundaries; relational, financial and career wise.

One of the biggest things I learned was the importance of communication.
Communicating relational intentions and expectations.
Communicating work expectations and the importance of time off.
Communicating needs. To family & to friends. (don't let pride keep you from asking for what you need)

This year I took a step towards ending an unhealthy pattern of attracting "wounded birds". I can't fix you and I can't save you.

This year I stood up for myself. I learned that you truly will go around a mountain as many times as it takes for you to learn what He wants you to.

So to the guy with the long hair & the one with the soul patch---it took me getting to the one with all the red flags to finally say that it's not ok to use me as a band-aid for your hurts. I'm not the one you use until the next one comes, I'm worth more.

I also learned something within myself. That if you say "i'm not dating" or "i'm being selective"--then I need to keep my word. it's not alright to say to someone that you don't want it to turn into anything, but act otherwise because you think you've covered your butt.

Last but certainly not least, I spent this year realizing that I have not been called to live the rest of my life caring my eating disorder as if it were my cross to bear. I have been called to be free.(and so have YOU, silly rabbit)  And with everyday, it is  another victory.

Within all the chaos, the fear and the tears that seemed to flow through-out this past year, I was reminded of the faithfulness of our Lord.

Don't worry, our Father really WILL take care of you. Even if it's through unconventional means, kind of like being the Chick-fil-A cow mascot :)

"Look at the birds in the sky! They don't plant or harvest. They don't even store grain in barns. Yet your Father in heaven takes care of them. Aren't you worth more than birds?"

[matthew 6:26]

i face 2010 with courage and perseverance.