Whose then Who

Originally, I was going to write about PURPOSE until a sassy, slightly hippy therapist said to me “how do you know purpose unless you know WHOSE you are?”. She is right. Talking about purpose before the basics of WHOSE we are is like drinking milk and then eating cereal, and that's just plain silly. 

If we can ever fully grasp WHOSE we are, we will be able to fully live in WHO we are. 

Continually finding worth in ourselves and depending on our own abilities will do nothing but cause unnecessary pressure we weren't ever designed to carry. And you know what happens with pressure over time? Pressure over time causes explosions or collapse. (I'll take neither sir!)

I've met many people who believed they were responsible for their own success. In fact I dated a guy who had a very funny view on things: if things went well it was his own doing, if things went wrong he would blame God. (this whole stupid mindset is something we will address together later, because I've believed this silliness too...) I've always posed the question to people who find success in their own ability: “isn't that an awful lot of pressure to think every thing that happens to you good or bad is up to you?”. Most have some run-a-round answer that causes me to doze off.

Let me make this clear:

YOU ARE NOT RESPONSIBLE FOR YOUR OWN SUCCESS.

You are a child of a Man who created the entire world in a matter of days and took the time to put freckles on my face and make that one hair that always goes the wrong way; I'm pretty sure our lives are easy-peasy for Him. Why not take the pressure offer yourself and lay that burden down at His feet. Surrender is scarier when we think of it than it actually is. ( I said SCARIER than we think it is, I DID NOT say it wasn't difficult not to pick it up once we lay it down) One of my current favorite music obsessions (besides Miranda Lambert, I LOVE that take-no-prisoners woman!) is All Sons and Daughters and one of their wonderful lyrics from their song “From Dawn to Dusk” says perfectly what I'm trying to get across “tomorrow's freedom is today's surrender”.

You are a daughter of the day, a son of the light (1 Thessalonians 5:5). You have been bought with price, adopted into a the family of a King.

We aren't supposed to walk around haughty but rather confident that as we walk in relationship with the Creator,

He guides our steps and is lamp unto our feet and a light unto our path. (Psalm 119:105) I take that as we seek Him, He provides direction for this moment and wisdom for the future.

(Oh! And if He isn't saying anything for this moment, BE STILL per Psalms 46:10) The beauty of accepting whose you are is that you begin to realize what you are because with the acceptance of a daughter or son of the Creator you realize you are:

• blessed “ The Lord bless you, my daughter” (Ruth 3:10)
• not alone “And the Lord is with him” ( 1 Samuel 16:18)
• strong “ ...for the joy of the Lord is your strength” (Nehemiah 8:10)
• radiantly beautiful “ those who look to Him are radiant” (Psalms 34:4)
• not fearful “...it does not fear when heat comes...” (Jeremiah 17:7-8)

Today I challenge you to not focus on

what you are NOT but what you ARE. And when thoughts creep in to bring you down, remind those thoughts you are a child of the Creator of the Universe and that Satan's words have no hold on you. Remind him and yourself that you are blessed, not alone, strong, radiantly beautiful and not afraid. I pray today that the Lord would surround you, He would hem you in and draw you close to Him; and you would feel His hand upon you today.

“ You hem me in – behind and before; You have laid Your hand upon me”

Psalm 139:5

What Zoey's Bath Taught Me About God.

For over a year now I've been writing a journal to my future husband (yeah yeah insert Christian joke here and then shut up), and the day I adopted Zoey (my dog)  I wrote, "Today, Zoey adopted ME". She did. From the beginning I've paralleled Zoey and myself (hold the dog jokes), how she was rescued and how I was rescued. But even further than Zoey, I've believed for a long time that God can show a lot of Himself and His character through animals if we'll just pay attention. 

One blatantly obvious way the Creator teaches me about himself through her is her unfailing enthusiasm every time I walk through the door; I took the trash out the other day (a few steps from the door) and yet when I came back into the house, I swore her tail was going to wag right off her body. I'd say that I THINK that's how the Father thinks of us, or that I BELIEVE that's how the Father thinks of us but honestly I KNOW that's how the Father is every time we come to Him. 

But tonight I was reminded of a much more sobering truth about the Creator, that He sits in the yuck with us. Let me elaborate: 
When you adopt an animal, for a long time it can be hard to predict how they will act in certain situations especially if you're unsure of their background. Our family dog Ginger for instance can tend to snap at any moment that you spend close to her face or trying to playfully pry a toy from her mouth. 

Zoey is no different, I'm constantly cautious about how she'll react during baths or playfully tugging at toys in her mouth. But one thing I've discovered, one thing I'm POSITIVE of....she is TERRIFIED of the hair dryer. Terrified. I could be drying my own hair and she runs to the farthest portion of the house.  

Well this is inconvenient because she has a great deal of fur and she has the potential to be fluffy but she only really reaches her greatest potential of fluffy-ness after she has been blown-dry. 

See the conundrum? 

Well tonight, after continuously delaying her bath in order to avoid the WWE match I'd face with her, I strapped on my big girl panties and bathed her. 

Oh the bath went fine, I mean what looked like her compliance to me was really her defeat but nevertheless she was still. But let's remember the bath isn't the problem, it's the drying....I suppose I could let her air-dry but that would result a hurricane of her hair fibers and little deposits of her water drippings through-out the house. So, I must blow-dry. 

I tried to approach it with slowly approaching with the blow dryer, then I tried chasing with the blow dryer and finally attempted the capture-and-blow-dry method. All this was while I tried to not get soaked in the furry-puddle that was my bathroom floor. 

And then, in a moment of desperation, I tried something I didn't ever see myself doing, (I'm slightly germ-a-phobic, not a lot, just a little)  I sat on the floor. I sat on the floor. I SAT ON A WET, DIRTY, FURRY FLOOR and I held Zoey. At first she resisted, but once I started to hold her lovingly and pet her as I dried her, she not only calmed down but she relaxed and let me dry her completely. 

I sat on that wet floor and held her and became a little emotional as I got a vision of Christ; He holds us in the yuck. He holds me when it's ugly and yucky and hard. He gets down in the yuck with me. He approaches me in an individual way. 

Lately I've felt emotional about a few things as I've grown through some things and it's moving to think of the Savior of the world holding me in the midst of my snotty-weeping-fests. 

He hold you in the yuck. He literally cradles you when it's gross and approaches you in an individual way. 

I think that's what Zephaniah 3:17 is all about: 

"The Lord your God is with you, He is mighty to save. He will take great delight in you, He will quiet you with His love, He will rejoice over you with His singing"

I not only can't get over but I also can't express enough this simple statement:

He holds you in the yuck. 

He holds you.

 

How to Heal a Broken Heart

I want to preface all this by saying that I don't have some special scripture or spell or formula for you to overcome a heartbreak, but what I can present to you are some truths I've experienced and some truths I've heard along the way that I believe can help you on the path of healing. 

1. The saying "time heals everything" is COMPLETE bull crap.

 Seriously, complete bull crap. Time can act as a "progress report" from where you've come, but time itself has no ability to do anything; in fact, my Mom once told me "you could actually be this way forever" and if you let yourself, you COULD be this way forever. I have spent time before as a professional "wallow-er" and it did nothing but keep me in a semi-constant state of depression, hopelessness and despair. In order to begin to heal, I had to be intentional. 

2. What goes in, MUST come out. 

Part of me being intentional with my healing, I had to monitor what went in because I knew it would come out. So I became hypersensitive to the movies, TV scenes and music I allowed myself to consume; I realized movies like "The Notebook" and songs like " Home" sent me on a downward spiral of memories and emotions that weren't productive for me. So I had to truly begin to monitor what I "consumed". What's crazy is that when I became aware of this, I'd notice memories stir up during certain radio songs so I began to switch the station or the track when those songs came on and saw the moments begin to fade.  But I had to be proactive and intentional. 

3.  Get rid of crap associated with memories. 

No, seriously. It sucked but it meant getting rid of holiday PJ pants and a dress worn on a special date. It wasn't fun but it had to be done. It meant putting pictures and cards away and skipping songs on CDs that were associated with memories. It meant choosing not to live on memory lane, because memory lane keeps us from ever progressing and usually feeds off of strictly the "great" times. Melting in a pool of memories will do nothing but torture you and keep you from being able to move on. 

4. Take thoughts captive.

2 Corinthians 10:5  reminds us to " bring every thought into captivity to the obedience of Christ", but what does that mean? It means you aren't a slave to your thoughts, you aren't destined to sink into a time warp of memories, it means you don't have to be tortured. Memories feel warm and fuzzy but in reality they are going to cause more damage then good, they stall you. You can't imagine a greater love if you're focused on how "no other love will be like this one". Something I've had to do even now is purposely choose not to be a resident on memory lane. There have even been times when I've said aloud " I WILL NOT THINK ON THAT" and forced my thoughts on something else. Remember, no one can live up to that person in your memories. 

5. Let yourself mourn.  

Yes, mourn. You've felt a loss, a death, a divorce, you lost a piece of yourself; you've lost time. At times it may seem easier to ignore the loss, to occupy or delay the pain but the truth is, you've can't heal a wound by ignoring it. Delaying the pain is very possible but it isn't beneficial because at some point you will have to face the loss you've experienced in order to move past it. It hurts, I know it hurts. There may be moments where you can't eat, you can't sleep, you can't go more than a few minutes without bursting into tears; there will be moments where breathing seems an impossible task but you must press on. I understand. There are still moments even after much time has past, that I feel waves of indescribable  grief and sorrow, where I wonder if I'll ever be completely free of the pain but I press forward. You can never know how far you've come if you don't keep moving because I promise there will be a day when you realize you haven't felt the hurt in several months. So when you feel like you can't get out of bed, make yourself get out of bed and go for a walk in the sun. When you feel like you can't eat, eat some comfort food one bite at a time and when you feel like the sorrow will never end, look up Jim Gaffigan videos. 

6. Let people love you.

This one is particularly hard for me. It can be so hard to let people love me when I'd much rather be alone with some ice cream, wine and horrible reality TV but at some point I had to let people in. I had to force myself to be social and force myself to let people love on me even if it meant just sitting in silence during a movie. You can't heal alone, there are people who love you so let them show you. I also had to realize that some people need to process experiences with someone who is gifted to walk through them, thus I listened to those who loved me and began to see a counselor. Let people love you, let people give you wisdom, let people listen to you, let people help you become a conqueror.

7. Forgive yourself. 

Forgive yourself for being vulnerable. Forgive yourself for being hurt. Forgive yourself for any mistakes you felt you made. Forgive yourself for being human. FORGIVE YOURSELF, because Christ already did 2000 years ago.

8. Forgive the other person.

It really is true that having unforgiveness is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die. That other person most likely isn't thinking about you or the hurt. They have processed and moved on, so you need to also. You can't hate someone you're praying for, so pray blessing for that person even if it's with your teeth gritted. Fake it til you make it because I promise one day you'll wake up and not be angry at them anymore.

9. Remind yourself of the promise.

What has the Lord promised you? One of the scriptures that I've been mediating on is Luke 1: 45,

 " Blessed is she who believed, for there will be fulfillment of those things which were told her from the Lord".

 So what has He told you? One of the ways I've coped over the past year and half is to begin to put my sadness to good use and pray for or write to my future husband each time I felt overwhelmed with sadness or despair. It helps to keep me grounded in the things the Creator has promised me for my marriage one day.  These writings and lists of promises He has made me help my resolve not to settle for less than I've been promised. So, what have you been promised? 

I know it hurts. I KNOW. There are still days where I cry and it hurts but those days continue to move further and further apart. You can make it, you're still breathing. The more it hurt, the more I would cling to the Father. Allow yourself to get caught up in His love, allow yourself to be surrounded by His hope. If you're ready to stop hurting, He is waiting to mend your heart.

I know such great hurt, but I'm also seeing such great healing and progress. 

 

 

 

                                                                                             

What I know of God.

I don't know much but there some truths that I cling to;
In times of hurt, joy, confusion or clarity I cling to what I know of God. 


He binds up wounds.

" If My people, who are called by My name, will humble themselves and pray and seek my face and turn from their wicked ,then I will hear from heaven and forgive their sin and heal their land"                                                                                                                                       2 Chronicles 7:14

He heals.

"He has sent me to bind up the broken hearted, to proclaim freedom for the captives and release from darkness the prisoners."                                                                                Isaiah 61:1

He revives. 

"to revive the spirit of the lowly and revive the heart of the contrite"                                    Isaiah 57:15

He hears me.

"You heard from heaven and in your compassion you delivered them time after time"   Nehemiiah 9:29 

He will restore and sustain.

"to restore me the joy of Your salvation and grant me and willing spirit to sustain me"        Psalm 51:12

 He won't leave me dry or without what I need.

"The Lord will guide you always; He will satisfy your needs in a sun-scorched land and will strengthen your frame. You will be like a well-watered garden, like a spring whose waters never fail. "                                                                                                                        Isaiah 58:11

He will never leave me.

"but You are a forgiving God, gracious and compassionate, slow to anger and abounding in love. Therefore you did not desert them."                                                                    Nehemiah 9:17

"but He will heal us...but He will bind up our wounds.

After two days He will revive us; and on the third day He will restore us,

that we may live in His presence. Let us press on to acknowledge 

the Lord; let us press on to acknowledge Him. 

As surely as the sun rises, He will appear;

He will come to us like the winter rains, 

like the spring that rains that

waters the Earth"

Hosea 6:1-3

 

Doubting God.

This is by far the most intimate, messy post I've ever shared with the public; some things have no way to be made pretty but rather must be seen for what they are, mud and all.

 I have gotten my heart broken. When relationships end, especially when intimacy is involved, the untangling becomes a tedious process of unwrapping each other from one another's lives. There is no way to speed up the process. The pain comes in waves. Recently I journaled about this pain,

"One minute I'm fine and then something will trigger me. Suddenly I feel chills all over my body, my chest tightens and I begin to feel my grip on my emotions slipping. Every kiss, every laugh, every fight, every goodbye, every reunion floods back in an instant. This emotional onslaught is far worse than the most severe loneliness"

The Creator never wanted to me to feel this. It wasn't part of His master plan.
I don't even know if he planned to design
 us the ability to cope 
with these emotions
 because He never intended us to face them.
I believe He heals and extends us grace, but He never intended or wanted anyone to hurt like this.


Unfortunately, it is seen time after time in the Word that great pain is often times preceded by great rebellion. I am no different. My rebellion started as many do, by doubting God.

As I was approaching my 23rd birthday and my college graduation, I began to wonder why I hadn't dated anyone since I was 17. This irritation with loneliness was made worse when I found out the graduate program I wanted to join was no longer in operation (this was found out in the middle of studying for the GRE for the program). I was irritated with God, so I began to seek out a relationship.  I had worked with this handsome gentleman for several years at work and began to pursue conversation and time with him.  I had always believed that the Lord was Lord enough to connect my path with a man, so the fact that I was actively pursuing someone (instead of vice versus) was out of character for me and my beliefs.  Out of frustration I was taking my love life into my own hands, in this I showed I doubted God and His ability. 



In Genenis 16, we see where Sarai (who knew she had been promised children by the Creator) began to doubt God's ability and His promise. She, much like me, took matters into her own hands.  And by doing so brought hurt and despair upon herself and her husband. 

"The Lord has kept me from having children, Go sleep with my maidservant;

perhaps I can build a family through her" (vs. 2)

Eve also doubted God. (Genesis 3)  The serpent came to her and began to question as to why she couldn't eat the fruit of the tree in the middle of the garden, Eve began to think that God was keeping something great from her.  She began to question if God was keeping wisdom from her and desired to have everything that was good and pleasing. Why would God keep something "wonderful" from her? So not only did she eat but she gave to husband.

1. Many times when we doubt God and rebel,

 we bring others down with us. 

By me doubting God, overtime I compromised my

 morals in front of the guy I was dating.  

Whether I was conscious of it or not, 

I showed that morals can change and that Christians can be hypocrites. 

After a while, I was a poor example of what a Christian woman should be. 

2. When we doubt God and rebel,

 there will be pain and repercussions. 

For Sarai, she began to resent her servant Hagar. 

There was also strife between her and her husband,

 "You are responsible for my suffering" (Genesis 16:5). 

There is also the matter of the son born out of this situation, Ishmael, 

who became a present day source of strive as the "ForeFather" in the middle east.

 Now THOSE are some lasting repercussions.

For Eve, she caused herself and her husband to be

 banished from the Garden of Eden and thus loose the initial

 relationship God designed them to have with him. 

Her choice also had far reaching repercussions

 that are felt today, " I will greatly increase your pains in childbearing" (Genesis 3:16)

.

I don't believe that there are repercussions and pain because God is some evil Santa Claus sitting on a lightening bold casting down judgement upon us; I do however believe that every choice that has a consequence of some sort.  Because of my doubt, I involved a man in a year and a half of pain. Something born out of rebellion can never be something that is blessed.  Because of my doubt and rebellion, choices were made that can never be undone. Because of my doubt and rebellion there are now two hearts, mine and his, that will have to go through the horrific process of healing in order to love again. Regardless of the situation, when feelings are involved like those of love & affection, it takes time and an active effort to move past it.


 This was not what God intended, but it how things are. God is still gracious and is still able "IN ALL THINGS God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to His purpose" (Romans 8:28). Don't get me wrong, this still hurts daily and will for a while. I am not ok but I will be. God is healing and redeeming me, but let this be a loving reminder that God is still God and we are not.

Reality TV, Infants and Jesus.

I cannot tell a lie, I love reality TV. (even if it's more like scripted television just with less airbrushing)  I also enjoy semi-reality shows like "Unwrapped", showing the origin of some of our favorite foods; or "How It's Made", showing how every day & extraordinary things are made. I enjoy researching, google-ing and generally figuring things out. Thus I've been going back to basics in regards to my relationship with the Creator. 

What I've found are some foundations for my relationship with Him based upon Isaiah 43:10:

"So that you may know and believe me 

and understand that I am He"

Know: in Hebrew: Yada: 

(this word in Hebrew has a TON of definitions so I chose a few key ones)

"to know intimately, to recognize ,

[God] to be revealed"

Believe: Aman: 

"to trust in, rely upon"

* when you examine the verb pattern in Hebrew,

Aman  expresses the basic   concept of support

and is used in the sense of a parent supporting a helpless infant*

Understand: Tavun:

"the verbal root (Banah) means to build,

so in order to build or construct something, 

we must be able to understand the process"

It's becoming obvious to me that in my quiet time, there is a theme that keeps appearing: recognizing the work of the Lord in my life:  depending on Him entirely and understanding His love so that I don't get discouraged with my process. When you feel like you've continually been stripped (whether due to poor choices or life happenings) the only thing you can do is seek to the see the greater process at work in order to preserve your sanity.

In short, I believe that this day and every day the Lord desires that we work to be able to recognize him, rely on him like an infant would a parent and seek to understand the process we are walking through in order to understand what He is building and designing in us.

" For everything, absolutely everything,

above and below, visible and invisible...

everything got started in him 

and finds its purpose in Him"

Colossians 1:16 (MSG)

"You repair all that we have torn

and You unveil a new beginning in our hearts

and we stand grateful for all that has been

left behind and all

that goes before us""

(" Mended")

Bert and Ernie

"Guess who's back, back again..."

MC's back! tell a friend!

I want a friend like Bert and Ernie were friend; they were always there for each other and for goodness sake Ernie was comfortable enough for Bert to see him while in the tub with his rubber ducky! (hold the jokes)

I believe the heart of the Creator in designing each of us was designing us with the innate need to have friendships and not just friendships but intentional, deep friendships. We were never created to be wolf packs of one.

The Word provides multiple great examples of intentional friendships but I wanted to focus on two:

David & Jonathan

Noah & his sons

I believe covenant (unconditional)  friendships (relationships in general) are made up of two things:

1. Vulnerability

2.Grace & Favor

Let me show you how I've come to this conclusion. In 1 Samuel 18:3-4 you see the friendship of Jonathan & David modeled which becomes a great model for the type of relationship we were designed to have. You see Jonathan first show incredible grace and favor to David.

" And Jonathan made a covenant with David

because he love him as himself.  

Jonathan took off the robe he was wearing 

and gave it to David, 

along with his tunic"

(verses 3-4)

David was in no way royalty (at this point in time)

and did not deserve this robe that signified royalty.

I believe relationships (all types) go through

ebbs and flows; at some point one partner 

is pouring into the other and vice versus.

Because Jonathan loved David as himself,

he identified an opportunity to show him grace & favor.

Now onto the part of relationships (friendship or otherwise) that is most difficult for most people, including myself: vulnerability. This is a personal struggle for me because it's always a piece of cake to be around people when life is peaches and cream, but when I'm covered in mud and struggling I usually keep to myself. We make deeper connections with people when we let them see our pain; our fear is that they couldn't love us if they really knew us when in fact because they really know us they can love really love us. 

In Genesis 9:20-23  you see Noah, obviously a man of 

greatness and great accomplishment (a freaking ark!!!); but like us,

his life and choices sometimes got messy.

We see in these verses that Noah drank some wine and  

proceeded to get drunk to the point where he laid

down in his tent NAKED AS A JAY BIRD.

In that moment he was vulnerable and because of the 

relationship he had established with his sons,

instead of pointing out his vulnerability it says

"But Shem and Japheth took a garment and laid

it across  their shoulders; then they walked in backward

and covered their father's nakedness"

(verse 23)

We see Jonathan's vulnerability with David in verse 4, 

" [he gave] even his sword".  

In that day, it was unusual for a man to be without his weapon, 

his source of protection and yet Jonathan became vulnerable before David. 

I want to be a friend who shows 

grace, favor & vulnerability,

so that my relationships will be all 

that they were intended to be.

I don't want superficial friendships,

I want intentional ones.