God doesn't gossip.

"were your ears buzzing yesterday? because we were talking about you!"


God causes our ears to buzz or "tingle" but that's not because He's a gossip. He's revealing something to you. to me.


Ever woken up and felt like reality smacked you in the face, gave you a wedgie and then splashed ice-cold water in your face?  That was me on Monday. I woke up and it suddenly became oh-so-real that my lease is up on July 31st, the Grad program I want to go into is shut down until further notice and I don't have a long term career or prospect at this moment.  My Dad was encouraging me to think about what I wanted to do with my life, to think about what I was created to do. what was Mary Catherine created specifically to fill that only she can? "some need in the world that you are uniquely positioned to me" (steven furtick, sun stand still)


I immediately felt like I didn't know. I felt like my dreams as a little girl pretending to give a 'Best New Artist' interview to Entertainment Tonight or my college dreams of being a Motivational Speaker with a Masters in I/O Psychology were null-and-void.

"your vision will probably flow from something

 you're already doing--relationships you've already established,

 priorities you're already passionate about" (steven furtick)

I've mentioned before that when I get anxious or stressed I run around like a chicken with my head cut off and am unable to hear from the Lord in the midst of my melodramatic wailing sessions, so He decided to wake me up at 4:35 Tuesday morning and beckon me to spend time with Him.  I picked up where I left off in my current ready, Sun Stand Still (By Steven Furtick) and then felt led to read the story of when Samuel heard from the Lord in the middle of the night.

Like Samuel, the Lord has often tried to speak to me and I get confused or think I'm hearing things (" ' my son' Eli said, ' I did not call you, go back and lie down' " 1 Samuel 3:6)  But when Samuel finally responds to the Lord ( " 'speak Lord for your servant is listening' so Samuel went and lay down in his place" verse 9) the Lord gave Samuel (and myself) a very distinct way to identify when the Lord is speaking to us, especially when He is trying to tell us of things to come.... tingle.

"See I am about to do something in Israel that will make the ears

of everyone who hears of it tingle"

1Samuel 3:11

What is it that the Lord is causing

my ears to tingle about?

What need around me gets me excited

and causes me to bravely think

I was designed to meet it?

In the course of my day, what am I passionate about?

"if the dream in your heart isn't biblically based,

focused on Jesus,

affirmed by the key people in your life,

tethered to your passions, gifts and life experiences,

chances are,

you're way off prompt"

(steven furtick)

 I don't have an answer for you right now, but I am what I am doing is actively listening for the tingle....

Finding God in the Beginning

I realized today that I need to start from the beginning and search for God from the very beginning of creation. Graduating college has left me in what feels like a tail spin and I think I just need to start from the beginning and become His friend all over again. I'll be sharing this journey here in the future.

"seek and you will find Me"

the parable of 'the princess bride'

I bet God giggles at us me.

can't you see it? to Him we look like little ants running around.
we only see a 100 foot radius of our hill, God sees the entire acre of land.

I contradict myself. (on a pretty regular basis actually, thanks for asking)
Usually at the beginning of a stressful/irritating/anxious/impossible situation I will take a cue from David:

"They are like a lion hungry for prey,

like a great lion crouching in cover.

Rise up, O Lord, confront them, bring them down;

rescue me from the wicked by your sword"

(psalm 17:12-13)

though it is always in record time that I proceed to exclaim dramatically that the Lord isn't doing anything.

The Princess Bride may not be a work of A.W.Tozer, but non the less

it still is a great illustration for my contradiction and doubt;

Princess Buttercup has been promised by her Love that he will come for,

but yet a wedding to the villain of the movie

begins and ends without the rescue that was promised;

as the newly-wed Princess is escorted

to the honeymoon suit, she lets out a defeated-half-whisper 

"he didn't come "

like us with our limited-ant-hill-perspective, Princess Buttercup couldn't see that her Rescuer was in the midst of doing exactly what He promised.

He was fighting for her.

He was coming for her.

just like He promised.

all the Princess had to rely on were the words that were promised to her, and sometimes it downright sucks to just rely on words;  "the Lord will fight for you, you need only to be still" (exodus 14:14).

as you may can guess, the Princess and her Love were reunited; and the scene that plays out between them speaks to my spirit this morning.

"I will never doubt again" ... "there will never be a need"

you can't see what the Lord is doing around you.

"I have a plan for you.

It's gonna be wild, it's gonna be great.

It's gonna be full of Me"

('come away with me' jesus culture)







a lesson learned from Gene Simmons.

the lead singer of the glam-rock-band, KISS is infamous for a particular body part

his tongue.

for Mr. Simmons, this part of his body

is a vital part of his career and his life.

would he be as famous without it?

your tongue is also a vital part to your life. (even if yours doesn't break some sort of record)

"When we put bits into the mouths of horses to make them obey us, we can turn the whole animal.  Or take ships as an example. Although they are so large and are driven by strong winds, they are steered by a very small rudder wherever the pilot wants to go. Likewise, the tongue is a small part of the body, but it makes great boasts." 

(james 3:3-5)

a horse is larger and powerful  being, 

but it's a small bit in it's mouth that can turn the entire animal.

what are you saying about your situation?

recently i got convicted about being a hypocrite. i realized that saying i trusted the Lord with my future (graduating college in a month!!???!!!) but still saying 

"i have no idea what I AM DOING after graduation" contradicts that part about trusting the Lord. 

in my heart, I truly was acknowledging, believing and verbalizing 

that I don't have plans after graduation. 

it's not about what i have planned or what i can see; if it were i wouldn't need God. 

is verbalizing my anxiety 

doing anything to improve my situation?

no, if anything it's stirring up more angst. 

watch what you say today,

because what you say

 could be hindering 

you.

"i have no idea what i'm doing after graduation"

"i'm never going to pass the class"

"work is going to be terrible tonight"

"i'm never going to finish all of this work"

"i'm going to do horrible on this project"

"i'm never going to pay my bills on time"

"it's going to be such a long and horrible day working with him/her"

"Consider what a great forest is set

 on fire by a small spark. 

 The tongue also is a fire..."

(james 3:5-6)

"Can both fresh water and salt water flow from the same spring? 

 My brothers and sisters, can a fig tree bear olives, 

or a grapevine bear figs? 

Neither can a salt spring produce fresh water."

(james 3:11)

you can't think you trust the Lord , but say otherwise.

SHAME (an excerpt from "Captivating")

last night i spoke on the subject of shame with the ladies of Collide at Beach Church. (cue scary music!)


i referenced the book CAPTIVATING by john & stasi elderedge, click on the link and under "contents" click on "contents" and read the chapter entitled "THE WOUND".

Captivating EXCERPT!

remember, "the lie is that if people really knew you they wouldn't love you, the truth is that if people really knew you then they could actually love you" (Jon Acuff)

guilt weighs a million pounds and lust gives me the heeby-jeebies.

in a few weeks, the guys and girls in our youth group will be splitting up to continue a study of SEX and LUST.

SEX AND LUST.SEX AND LUST.SEX AND LUST.SEX AND LUST.SEX AND LUST.SEX AND LUST. SEX AND LUST. SEX AND LUST. SEX AND LUST. SEX AND LU... what? oh sorry, I got caught up in repeating the words over and over so you wouldn't be so uncomfortable with them anymore. (hey, it's better than shouting out body parts like i do with my small group girls!)

when we split up, I get the awesome opportunity to speak to entire population of young women about LUST.

L------------U-------------S-----------------T.  (the word kind of gives me the heeby-jeebies)

I'm going to be talking about the BEAST that lust is, and the fact that once that pandora's box has been opened it never dies, but rather you have to keep it under control. I remember being in highschool, making out in a car (in a parking lot, SO CLASSY!)and my body letting me know that it liked where things were heading. (though my spirit knew otherwise!!) Then out of now where, a MONSTER was released and LUST began to consume my thoughts, my actions and soon my relationship with my boyfriend. ( by the way, we were both youth leaders in the church. they do NOT give immunity shots for lust!)

ultimately the relationship ended because our relationship began to revolve around rushing through dates so we could make out in a parking lot somewhere. once I got out of this relationship, I figured I was in the clear of this monster. but I was unbelievable wrong.

I once heard someone say, "if you can't tame lust when you are in a dating relationship, who is to say that you will be able to not lust after someone other than your spouse when you ARE married. lust doesn't discriminate and lust doesn't know when you are married."

I am fast approaching 23 and it has been nearly 5 years since that relationship ended. And let me tell you, not only do I regret opening the pandora's box known as lust; before even that, I regret the sleepovers my best friend and I had where we snuck copies of COSMO'S SEX TIPS and read them together giggling. We truly thought this was harmless, and yet years later she and I both mentioned to each other that the decision to fixate on these seemingly harmless magazine articles have made staying celibate until marriage even more of a daunting task than it already is. ( i mean seriously, this IS 2011.)

In researching for this message I will be sharing with the girls and reminiscing on my past and current one-on-one-boxing-matches-with-lust, I came across a scripture that is truly the basis of not only my message to the girls, but Christ's message to YOU.

"Then I acknowledged my sin to You

and did not cover up my iniquity,

I will confess my transgressions to the Lord

 and You forgave the guilt of my sin"

(Psalm 32:5)

not only are our sins forgiven,

but He also forgives our guilt.

a synonym for forgive  is to exonerate, which means to be set free.

it is only within the past year 

that I have truly come to terms

with the concept of not only having my sins forgiven,

but also that

 I am NOT called to carry guilt.

because guilt weighs a millions pounds.

living a "bare-minimum" life

sometimes i take easy way out in my relationships and daily interactions in general. 
most of the time it's a lot easier to sleep in rather than meet small group girls for a 7:00 am breakfast  (when you don't have a meeting until 11:00). most of the time it's easier and more comfortable to plan personal time in lieu of having coffee with someone who needs a non-judgemental ear.


what a shame that i can tend to leave such a self-centered life. do i not realize that these moments i'm living are merely a season and i won't ever have THIS time and THESE relationships EXACTLY AS THEY ARE ever again.  if i truly grasped this wouldn't i live each day in desperate, passionate, fervent pursuit of every person who came across my path?


if i'm not careful, i realize that i'm living a bare-minimum life. 

"you will be ever hearing but never understanding,

you will be ever seeing but never perceiving.

for this people's heart has become calloused;

they hardly hear with their ears,

and they have closed their eyes.

otherwise they might see with their eyes,

hear with their ears,

understand with their hearts

and turn and i would heal them"

(matthew 13:14-15)

i never want it said of me that i heard,

but was never understanding.

that i heard but was never able to

  hear in between the lines and understand

i never want it said of me that i saw,

but never perceived.

that i was shallow in view of other people

and their circumstances.

i was challenged today to not live a shallow, self-centered, bare-minimum life.

dig deeper today, this is the only MARCH 8,2011 that we will ever have.

get outside of yourself!

"be very careful then,

 how you live-not as unwise but as wise,

 making the most

of every opportunity"

(ephesians 5:16)