the parable of the almond tree.

this morning I made my way over to Jeremiah and decided to begin reading from the beginning, and when doing so, I came to this verse:

"the word of the Lord came to me:

'what do you see, Jeremiah?'

'I see the branch of an almond tree,' I replied.

the Lord said to me, 

'you have seen correctly, for I am watching

to see that my word is fulfilled"

(Jeremiah 1:11-12)

naturally I then felt inclined to do a little research 

regarding almond trees.

(and by 'do a little research', i mean search wikipedia)

this is what i found,

Almond trees become productive and begin bearing fruit after five years.

 The fruit is mature in the autumn, 7–8 months after flowering

so when the Lord showed Jeremiah a vision of an almond tree,

and then asked him to confirm what he saw, it kind of reminds me of a parent-child conversation:

(maybe like this one...)

mom: "you need to finish ALL of your peas before you can have dessert.

ok so what do you have to do before you can have dessert?"

child: " finish all my peas"

mom: "ok now repeat back to me what you have to do"

child: "i have to finish all of my peas before i can have dessert"

the Lord didn't ask Jeremiah

to describe what he was seeing

because the Lord didn't know,

He asked Jeremiah to tell what He saw

because the Lord wanted Jeremiah

to realize that He is aware of the almond tree and 

it's bearing of fruit.

the Lord wanted Jeremiah to understand that 

the Lord does not forget about fulfilling His word.

if the almond tree bears fruit only after 5 years,

it would be really easy to become discouraged,

angry and feel forgotten by the Promise Maker.

Because it would be so easy to feel discouraged,  the Lord see "for i am watching to see that my word is fulfilled" Repetition or redundancy  is often used for emphasis.

My plans recently changed drastically and at the moment I have digressed from knowing exactly what and where i will be after graduation, to having not the slightest idea; this would not be how I saw things unfolding. So today, for the sake of not losing heart, it is imperative that i remember the almond tree.

"being confident of this,

that He who began a good work

in you

will carry it on to completion..."

(Philippians 1:6)

so to you who are feeling discouraged, forgotten, frustrated,

remember the almond tree.

xena warrior princess

Gladiator and 300 are two of my favorite films because they remind me of the value of a man and what he was created to be; a warrior, protector, fighter, hunter, leader.  


During playtime with the neighbor boys, I was either the pink or the yellow Power Ranger and they were always the ones who did the fighting: the red ranger, white ranger, green or black  ranger. 


I recognize and appreciate what men were created to be and the battle they were designed to engage in; but I also believe there are times when the battles are the kind that only a woman can engage in. 

there are times when women are called to be warriors.     


With the impending oppression of her people, it was Esther who the Lord used to fight behind closed doors.


When the disciples all ran, it was Mary who was there when Jesus was resurrected, she was used to spread the news of His fulfilled promise. 


Please do not misunderstand me, I am not saying that women were created to fight battles while our men are sitting on the sidelines; I am however saying that we as women need to be reminded that we are equipped for certain battles and that we are not helpless or fragile but rather we are delicate and treasured.  (these two words NOT are synonyms for fragile or helpless)

"As for you, Oh watchtower of the flock, 

Oh stronghold of the Daughter of Zion,

 the former dominion will be restored to you" 

(Micah 4:8)

we women need to step up and take back what is ours, our image, our sexuality, our dreams and our desires.

our image is not determined by what men want to see or what women think they need.

our sexuality is not a power to be used or abused, but a gift to be savored and lavished.

our dreams are not determined by the dreams or plans of our helpmate.

our desires are valid and valued, not passive.

"rise and thresh, Oh Daughters of Zion,

for I will give you horns of iron;

I will give you hoofs of bronze 

and you will break to pieces

many nations"

(Micah 4:13)

women, we need to stop relying on our own devices in order to gain attention, approval or achievement. we need to become warriors who fight to protect the guys around us; warriors who fight the battles that we are called to, the war to be the women we were called to be.

you think you're a big shot?

then step up and start taking responsibility

 for the women of this generation.

do not underestimate us,

we too, have a war to fight.

misquotation, birdcages and freedom.

my mom and I often joke about sayings that people just swear are actual scriptures:


if God closes a door, He opens a window
an eye for an eye
cleanliness is next to Godlyness
we know that God uses all things for good


wait, you thought that last one actually WAS a scripture? nope, but it is one that is misquoted a ton.

"and we know that

IN all things

God works for the good

of those who love Him,

who have been called according to his purpose"

(romans 8:28)

in (in)

1. contained or enclosed by; inside; within: in the room, in the envelope
2. wearing; clothed by: to dress in one's best
3. during the course of: done in a day
4. at or before the end of: return in an hour
5. perceptible to (one of the senses): the town is in sight; he told a lie in my hearing
6. limited by the scope of: in my opinion
7. 1. being a member of or worker at: in the navy, in business
   2. being a student at: she's in college
   3. being an inmate of: to be in prison
8. out of a group or set of: one in ten will fail
9. amidst; surrounded by: in a storm, in total darkness
10. affected by (a specified state or condition); having: he's in trouble; they were in tears
11. engaged or occupied by (an activity or process): in a search for truth, deep inthought
12. with regard to; as concerns

here we have a direct look at HOW the Lord works;

He works IN situations not, not from outside them.

So as much as we hate having crappy days or situations that are like mud

to trek through, we also have to hold on like hell to 

the promise and reassurance that it is WITHIN those situations

that the Lord works best.

"in the same way, the Spirit helps us in

our weakness. We do not know what 

we ought  to pray for, but the Spirit himself

intercedes for us with groans that words cannot express"

(romans 8:26)

have you invited the creator of the universe

 into your crappy situation?

body image is something i have fought with ever since i can remember

and lately i've become desperate for freedom from this cage I've gotten accustomed to;

in talking to my mom she asked the question

have you asked the Lord to reveal the origin of this struggle to you?

no, i hadn't. i've just lived with it.

in looking through old journals at my parent's house over thanksgiving

break, i found entry after entry in which i had

referenced my body image and how imprisoned i felt.

when coming across these entries, i felt like weeping,

because I couldn't have imagined just how long

I had been living with this torment.

so I'm inviting the Lord in.

I'm asking the Lord to gently reveal to me 

where it was that I opened the door

to allow the enemy to assault my body image.

I'm asking to know what event or conversation opened the door to

self-hatred.

Because I want to be free, and I know that the Lord works within all things.

what God does when i sin.

run.                                                                                         
duck.
hide.
cover.
brace for impact.
crawl into a hole.

this is not the steps for a fire drill, this is how I act when I'm ashamed. 

my weekly musical obsession is a little known artist named Jason Walker (http://www.myspace.com/jasonwalkeronline). One of my favorites of his is a song named "Seattle", which is a plead to (who I assume is...) a past lover who has chosen to put herself in a situation that continues to be unpleasant;

 Your bags are packed

But you don't really plan on leaving

Why do you wait?

All that city does is bring you down

And you could get out of

Seattle, I don't know why

You stand under the clouds expecting to stay dry

Why in the world would someone remain, or worse yet, PUT THEMSELVES in a situation that is miserable  by choice? In some cases it's that we don't believe that we deserve any better? Or how about taking a step further...

we choose to punish and imprison ourselves.

This song reminds me of the lack of grace I have for myself. The Lord never asked me to walk around in shame or punish myself and yet I do. He wants so much to intervene and wrap us in love, understanding and grace but yet we choose to live in the frustration of wanting to stay dry while standing under a rain cloud. 

"Fall, fall, falling

Oh, the sky keeps falling

And it gets so heavy on your heart

Fall, fall, falling

Oh, the tears keep falling

And you keep staying where you are

Seattle, I don't know why
You stand under the clouds expecting to stay dry
Seattle, I don't know how
I'm supposed to help you if you won't leave town " 

In Genesis 3, Adam & Eve partake in the fruit that they were lovingly told not to; shortly after they are almost overcome

by grief that they not only cover themselves but they hide.

During his morning walk, the Lord realizes something is different and wrong; what's

different is that his two walking partners are no where to be found.

When we  all of the sudden stop walking with the Lord,He notices and comes looking.

the next part of the story is probably the most precious part, the Lord doesn't run or stand where He is, He goes looking for them. He goes where they are.

"But the Lord God called to Adam and said to him, Where are you?" (Genesis3:9)

Help, grace and love are not going to be forced upon us, because that's not a character-trait of God; but what He will do is stand, call, knock, look and wait. 

He doesn't put us in prison.

He doesn't run from us.

He doesn't ask us to hide.

everyone falls short of the glory of God. EVERYONE.

so let me ask you,

where are YOU?

Out on the farthest edge There in the silence You were there My faith was torn to shreds Heart in the balance But You were there Always faithful Always good You still have me You still have my heart I thought I had seen the end Everything broken But You were there I’ve wandered in Heaven’s gates I’ve made my bed in Hell You were there still

("You have me" Gungor)

Out on the farthest edge
There in the silence
You were there

My faith was torn to shreds
Heart in the balance
And You were there

Always faithful, always good
You still have me
You still have my heart

I thought I had seen the end
Everything broken
But You were there

I've wandered at heaven's gates
I've made my bed in hell
You were there still

having cake and eating cake.

For the longest time, I really did not understand the saying,

you can't have your cake and eat it too.

because my inner-monologue-response was always,

'well of course you can, because

how do you eat what you don't have?"

a little background if you are interested...

The phrase's earliest recording is from 1546 as "wolde you bothe eate your cake, and have your cake?" (John Heywood's 'A dialogue Conteinyng the Nomber in Effect of All the Prouerbes in the Englishe Tongue')^[1] alluding to the impossibility of eating your cake and still having it afterwards; the modern version (where the clauses are reversed) is a corruption which was first signaled in 1812.

this morning I was reading in Luke and came across

the scripture

"From everyone who has been given much,

much will be demanded; and from

the One who has been entrusted 

with much, much more will be

asked"

(12:48)

I immediately felt the gentle conviction in my own life,

because whether I am aware of or acknowledge it, 

I very often expect the Lord to give me my cake 

and have me eat it too.

meaning:

I ask that my life be something extraordinary,

I ask that my life not be mundane,

I ask that I would be used as a vessel,

and yet,

I am the first person to become irritated or irrational regarding my circumstances.

but honestly, how IN THE WORLD do I suppose that I become molded into something

extraordinary

exciting

that's an instrument

without being refined and molded.

Call me sacrilegious, but I think I heard the Lord giggle this morning as I was reading

this scripture and He saw the light bulb go off.

I can't ask to be something extraordinary

or something that can be used as an instrument by the Creator of the Universe,

without much being asked of me.

We don't OWE anything for being extraordinary,

but we are full of potential, so we are asked to reach it if we accept.

If I clean up around my apartment

a little bit at a time,

it's not tiresome or overwhelming; but

rarely do I do that. Usually I put it off

until things have piled up or it will take some

time, effort, pain, patience and diligence

in order to get it to it's potential.

If we allowed the Lord to refine , clean and heal us a little bit at a time

it would be less painful, but most of the time I put it off.

you CAN'T have your cake and eat it too.

either you are extraordinary or you are not,

but usually that means you face extraordinary challenges....that come with extraordinary victories.

if you have nothing nice to say, then don't say anything.

"give me faith,to trust what You say.that You're good,and Your love is great....I may be weak, but Your spirit's strongin me,my flesh may fail,but my God,You never will"

how can we sing this from the stage and yet in the midst of a situation forget that nothing takes the Lord by surprise. if the Lord could speak through a DONKEY, i'm pretty sure He is in control no matter what. as said by the bunny on Bambi, "if you have nothing nice to say, don't say anything at all". how can we reach a broken world if we as the bride of Christ are eating one another?

please stop using facebook as a place to air grievances. it's isn't becoming or mature and further alienates the world we are trying to reach. the church isn't about me, or you or leadership or elders. the church is a hospital for the broken.

i'm not looking to start a discussion or an argument, I'm just a twenty something whose heart is hurting more for the horrible outbursts i've seen on the internet lately.

if you are truly concerned and bothered by what is happening around you THE ONLY PERSON YOU SHOULD BE TALKING TO ABOUT THEM is the Lord. place your frustrations at His feet and LEAVE THEM THERE. The Lord does NOT need our help. So let's stop insulting Him by acting as if He is out of control or as if He'd delivered the children of Israel from slavery only to die at the hands of a raging ocean.

temptation & stew.

A great sports coach is knowledgeable about the team they are playing against.

he knows their strengths.

he knows their weaknesses.

he knows their plays.

he knows their start players.

he knows their history.

A great General is knowledgeable about who is he fighting.

he knows strengths.

he knows weaknesses.

he knows his own strengths and weaknesses.

he has studied their history

.

Coach's and Generals have the same goal: 

domination.

The Enemy is a very savvy coach and a meticulous General when it comes to battle against our hearts and lives. 

"the  wolf attacks the flock and scatters it"

(john 10:12)

The enemy not only desires to destroy us but 

also to scatter us from those we are walking with, 

so that it is in isolation we die.

he separates us by causing us to feel as if we can't tell anyone,

 or  puts barriers in relationships to avoid connection and accountability.

the enemy is not dumb enough to attack me in areas in which I am strong,

no he is very well aware

 of my weak areas,

my hidden areas,

my history,

my struggles,

my battles,

my secrets

and THAT is where he rages war.

without warning or indication, the enemy sets fire hard and fast against my heart, mind and life.

he watches my steps and when an opportune moment is seen, he takes it and runs with it.

he meets me there.

"now out came a woman to meet him,

dressed like a prostitute with crafty intent...

she took hold of him....' so i came out to meet you,

i have looked for you and found you!" 

(proverbs 7:10-15)

there's that saying that "history repeats itself", 

and you know why that is?

because we constantly being tested over and over 

again in our weak areas. 

i can tell you that my testing and temptation 

very often comes in a eerily  similar package

from the last time I faced it.

It may be a new f ace,

a new place,

a new situation ,

but I am not fooled, it is the same tactic as every other time.

this week I realized that I was SMACK DAB in the middle of a testing,

of a temptation, and yet for whatever reason I was surprised that it was the same

tune I've  heard a thousand times.

it is so easy to tell others how to deal with temptation, or even to plan how you will deal with such in the future.

but I bet you'll agree with me 

when I say that  when you are in the midst of it,

you have little to no desire to address it.

why? because it is so  comfortable and familiar. 

I'm not entirely sure what to do in the heat of this moment right now, except to seek the Lord,set safeguards and be open and honest with myself and my accountability partner. what i DO know is i DO NOT want my life to be described like this:

"All at once he followed her,

like an ox going to the slaughter,

like a deer stepping into a noose 

till arrow pierces his liver,

like a bird darting into a snare,

little knowing it will cost him his life"

(proverbs 7:22-23)

I continue to remind myself what Perry Noble talked about at Catalyst 2010,

he referenced the story of Jacob and Essau and posed the question,

how many of us give up our 

future

destiny

life

inheritance

dreams

for a moment of satisfaction? 

what is your bowl of stew?

i know mine....